“I'm a devil at a quick mistake, and when I make one it takes the form of Lead.” — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
If a President of the United States ever lied to the American people he should resign. — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
“I just tripped over a pair of shoes and almost fell down and broke my neck and no I wasn't wearing them.” — Stanley Victor Paskavich Copy Share Image
Newtons third law of love: For every Idiot, there is an equal and opposite Gender Idiot! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If America cannot win a war in a week, it begins negotiating with itself. — William Safire Copy Share Image
“She's realized the real problem with stories -- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death.” — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
Any one who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin. — John von Neumann Copy Share Image
My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating. — Ashleigh Brilliant Copy Share Image
The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The method (of learning Japanese) recommended by experts is to be born as a Japanese baby and raised by a Japanese family,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Nixon’s offences had been so long in the past, so much part of a different era that he now seemed like some… — Jacob M. Appel Copy Share Image
“Some people would have killed themselves and/or someone else if they were single; and some people would not have done that.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Once I got home, though, and saw several packages on my front porch, all the crap from the day disappeared. A few… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out… — Judith Martin Copy Share Image
“Putting the brakes on is not an easy thing for a vamp to do. It's kind of like a shark trying to… — Jim Grayson Copy Share Image
It was a confusion of ideas between him and one of the lions he was hunting in Kenya that had caused A.… — P. G. Wodehouse Copy Share Image
One posthumous measure of a person's life is how often you imagine his impossible return to deal with some event he never… — Paul Di Filippo Copy Share Image
A great deal of the pupils time was spent going through, once again, the History of the Communist (Bolshevik) Party of the… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“May my hands fall from my wrists before I kill an artist like yourself," said the man in black. "I would as… — William Goldman Copy Share Image
“I walked back by way of the sea-lions' enclosure to refresh my eyes with the King Penguin's perfect ecclesiastical tailoring. He was… — Edward Verrall Lucas Copy Share Image
“That widow’s peak is preposterous. God. It really makes you feel the sad dearth of widow’s peaks in daily life. We could,… — Laini Taylor Copy Share Image
We all operate in two contrasting modes, which might be called open and closed. The open mode is more relaxed, more receptive,… — John Cleese Copy Share Image
Every single bit of entertainment is escapism. It's because you are saying, "Let's see what this other person's life is like." And… — Bruce Campbell Copy Share Image
I think there are a lot of things out there that are humorous that people don't realize until you actually show them… — Tim Conway Copy Share Image
