“Some people would have killed themselves and/or someone else if they were single; and some people would not have done that.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“If the Good Lord meant men to use percussion caps, he wouldn't have strung flint all over the ground.” — Taylor Anderson Copy Share Image
“A friend told me that one day he and I would be rich and famous. I told him that I'd trade my… — Quentin R. Bufogle Copy Share Image
“The average adult hates being treated like a child, unless it suits them.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I suppose I look for humor in most situations because it humanizes things; it makes a character much more three-dimensional if there's… — Colm Meaney Copy Share Image
“For it was intelligence that was the thin line between endearing rapscallion and idiot bastard. - Éibhear the Contemptible” — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
“Cheech and Chong Vs. HAL "I can't do that Dave." "Dave's not here, man" "That does not compute. Dave" "No man, Dave… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious - unless he purposely shut… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Wood heat is not new. It dates back to a day millions of years ago, when a group of cavemen were sitting… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Character and Plot...Character and Plot Some writers have it and some do not This I'll tell you Brother You can't have one… — Johnny Flora Copy Share Image
Swearing relieves the feelings - that is what swearing does. I explained this to my aunt on one occasion, but it didn't… — Jerome K. Jerome Copy Share Image
Mousse was a Labrador retriever, which is a large enthusiastic bulletproof species of dog made entirely from synthetic materials. This is the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There are two kinds of solar-heat systems: passive systems collect the sunlight that hits your home, and active systems collect the sunlight… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My uncle, Mr. Stephen Maple, had been at the same time the most successful and the least respectable of our family, so… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
I was a Teletype operator in the army, so that's where I learned to type. One day, I went downstairs to see… — Carl Reiner Copy Share Image
“We're going to the Underworld," Izzy said. She bounced a little as she said it, her eyes bright and her tone implying… — Rachel Hawkins Copy Share Image
From Paris we took the Orient Express to Vienna. I must say I was terribly disappointed; nobody was murdered on the train. — George Burns Copy Share Image
This (America) is a land of rich diversity, from the towering skyscrapers of Manhatan all the way to the towering mounds of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“I am an archaeologist of mature vintage. Rapid descents are not my specialty. I am the plodding type." ~ Grace Madison, PhD.” — N.L.B. Horton Copy Share Image
“Saying that you do not remember something or someone is a less embarrassing or hurtful way of saying that you do not… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Allan praised Herbert for a job well done and for acting the part well. Herbert blushed, while dismissing the praise, saying that… — Jonasson, Jonas Copy Share Image
In the early years, you fight because you don't understand each other. In the later years, you fight because you do. — Joan Didion Copy Share Image
