A lot of opinions just really don't get to me. If anything, some of them were humorous and my favorite, you know… — Keith Thurman Copy Share Image
You have to find the tone of the piece and modulate that. There are ways to indicate that - I try to… — Daniel Clowes Copy Share Image
“Well, so you don't get too cocky, I myself often complete the TV Guide crossword puzzle." He puffed out his chest. "In… — Shelly Laurenston Copy Share Image
“I told Sarah not to bring up the blanc-mange again for breakfast. It seems to have been placed on our table at… — George Grossmith Copy Share Image
Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Make requests, not demands. example: “please” kill that zombie honey, I’m out of bullets.” — Jesse Petersen Copy Share Image
Let's set aside time this Mother's Day to mock the disintegrating sex lives of our friends with children. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Cayl replies...I understand the human reproductive system, Agent Denning; I’m here to capture a killer, not indulge in these intrusive human senses.” — Tielle St. Clare Copy Share Image
“Millions of business people are each constantly forced to choose between their desire to not be a bad person and their desire… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Japan has a low crime rate, unless you count the fact that approximately every fifteen minutes the entire Cabinet gets indicted for… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Thanks for not putting me up for adoption unless you're not really my mom... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“The Deliverator's car has enough potential energy packed into its batteries to fire a pound of bacon into the Asteroid Belt. Unlike… — Neal Stephenson Copy Share Image
The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. He didn't mean to, but the joint he was smoking fell in his lap,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. — Mario Puzo Copy Share Image
I know a member of one of New York's first families (first as you drive up Tenth Avenue) — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“My father had bought him a shirt that said “Sure you can date my daughter. In a completely unrelated topic, have you… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
Some medical beast had revived tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“Occupation: Writer Occupational Hazard: Carpel tunnel Solution: Wrist guards to bed or my hands do all the sleeping Perspective: I've decided my… — Christy Hall Copy Share Image
I'm halfway through a novel set in two time frames - Austin in the 1960's and Alpine (Texas) in present day. It… — Elizabeth Crook Copy Share Image
“I wouldn't miss this fake-homo show for all the Gucci Shoes on Rodeo Drive.” — River Jaymes Copy Share Image
