My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me." — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
With humor you have so many options with topics and length, I mean I can write humor essays in books now and… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“After Jesus showed up, the Old Testament basically became a way for Bible publishers to keep their word count up. Of course,… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I only did the comedy thing because I just thought I could do it better than anyone else at the time. And… — Keith Allen Copy Share Image
“Jordan slammed the coatrack down on the ground and sighed. "if you were a vampire, this would have been a lot more… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
“Piper: it looks like we have hole. Percy: Yeah we've got a dam hole! (LOL-ing) Piper: What! Percy: Inside joke. (still LOL-ing)… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
“The biggest myth about comedy is that it’s magical, unknowable, unteachable. Those who subscribe to that myth believe that the world is… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!' IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“I long ago developed a very practical smile, which I call my "Noh smile" because it resembles a Noh mask whose features… — Arthur Golden Memoirs of a Geisha Copy Share Image
“If it had been great sex I doubt I'd remember he tooted between thrusts.” — Laura Castoro Copy Share Image
When you do comedy, you can't please the world, although I'd like to think that most of my audiences were on my… — Don Rickles Copy Share Image
I think a lot of people think that I'm a humorist or comedy songwriter. I will never take offence, but I think… — CMAT Copy Share Image
Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
After the Rodgers and Hammerstein revolution, songs became part of the story, as opposed to just entertainments in between comedy scenes. — Stephen Sondheim Copy Share Image
“To everyone who gets me, thank you. To everyone who doesn't, thank you too. You give me the motivation to keep succeeding… — Shane Dawson Copy Share Image
“Little known fact- a cat which has just bitten itself in the ass can achieve impressive speed at it dashes madly straight… — Amy Petrie Shaw Copy Share Image
“No, no, no! I am not giving birth backstage at a rock concert. I need to be in a hospital, pumped full… — S.C. Stephens Copy Share Image
“They cheered and clapped, excited by the prospect of my musical pain. Twisted... every last one of them. If I still had… — Genna Rulon Copy Share Image
“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And until tonight I had always felt that there was a lot in it.… — P.G.Wodehouse Copy Share Image
“Things stop being funny if you have to explain them to people, especially if they need excellent attention spans.” — Santosh Kalwar Copy Share Image
Historically, Hollywood comedy has arrived in skinny envelopes. From fence post Buster Keaton to herky-jerky Jerry Lewis to wiry nerve-bundle Woody Allen… — James Wolcott Copy Share Image
The thing that we like about our show is that it's our take on a kind of format. It's a hidden camera… — Joe Gatto Copy Share Image
The violence or the vaudeville style of comedy is a technique all by itself. You get up there, and you are a… — Leslie Nielsen Copy Share Image
“Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all was smoking crack.” — Kait Nolan Copy Share Image
Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards and we will go to great lengths to… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“Don’t take everything for granted, and do not always count on finding everything you need.” — Larry Herzberg Copy Share Image
“A good test of the appropriateness of a joke is whether the humor controls us or we control it.” — J Oswald Sanders Copy Share Image
The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you're watching comedy movies, go back and check out the Marx Brothers in 'Duck Soup,' or Buster Keaton in 'The General,'… — Robert B. Weide Copy Share Image
Without humor, life is boring. Without love, life is hopeless. Without God, life is impossible. — Carissa Aydaa Copy Share Image
“Irony of the day: arthritis medication with a cap that old people can't get off, because of their arthritis.” — Kelli Jae Baeli Copy Share Image
I really gravitate to the comedy of tonal contrasts. I hope that doesn't sound insufferably pretentious. What I mean is people having… — Matt Nix Copy Share Image
“There was something ghost-like and insubstantial about gases to these early chemists. They called liquids that turned into gases easily, "spirits." Methyl… — Isaac Asimov Copy Share Image
Stand-up comics reflect less of a visual humor and more of a commentary. — Shel Silverstein Copy Share Image
Every time I do a movie like 'Finding Neverland' or 'Chocolat' or 'Shakespeare' in Love,' we deal with the creative process, but… — Harvey Weinstein Copy Share Image
“It was simply a matter of asking him to remove the tie from his head before he made love to her.” — Nicki Elson Copy Share Image
