“This is why I always say: "If your mother asks you to come beat up an elderly woman on the street for… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
London seems to be a town with a lot of comedy fans and people that really enjoy stand-up. — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Every time I've done comedy in, like, traditional comedy clubs, there's always these comedians that do really well with audiences but that… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
With stand-up, I can have an idea, go down the street to a comedy club and work on it, flesh it out,… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
I can't think of any bank robbery comedy where it's about two normal guys. It's kind of like Superbad meets Heat, which… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour. I try to eat at all… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
I'm kind of obsessed with food. I like to eat. When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Your favorite kind of cake can't be birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal. — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday. — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
For the majority of the time, I may as well have been just a really tan white kid. You know, I may as well… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't,… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
You go to any Jay-Z concert, and he plays his hits. Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Let's have a moment of silence for all the chubby Asian dudes that are getting 'Gangnam style!' yelled at them by bros around the… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
At the risk bragging, one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
“Rather than compare actual jobs, with their various pros and cons, in their minds they wound up selecting the features of each particular job… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
“Yale sociologist John Ellsworth Jr. said after a study of marriage patterns in Simsbury, Connecticut (population 3,941): “People will go as far as they… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Why would anyone get married and have babies? That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. Or the scariest thing I've ever… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
