Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you. — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
I just think it's sad that the main places in our culture that we designate to meet new people are bars and… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
With stand-up, it's more interesting to hear about people's failures than their successes. — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
You've got to be pretty confident that you're good. If I do a show and for whatever reason no one laughs, I'll… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
London seems to be a town with a lot of comedy fans and people that really enjoy stand-up. — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired. — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
I write characters that are based on elements of people I know and experiences I've really had. — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to 'cause then there's more room for me on the… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
I always hate telling my jokes in print 'cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily when you're the guy, you can just tell people she's crazy.… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
I'm so jealous of people who have crushes on people they go to school with or work with. That's such a blessing.… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
If someone writes something shitty and you actually address them, most of the time they're just like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Like with 'Parks and Recreation,' it's so much fun because the people writing it are funny and they're open and you just… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Instead of yelling your opinion, or telling people to shut up, or engaging in this clickbait-internet culture, have a dialogue with someone… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Myself, Eric Wareheim, and Jason Woliner decided to start a Food Club where the three of us go to restaurants with a… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
With stand-up, I can have an idea, go down the street to a comedy club and work on it, flesh it out,… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
The problem is there's a new group. I'm talking about this tiny slice of people that have gotten way too fired up… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
I never had the desire to be a professional Twitterer. Every now and then something dumb pops into my head and I'll… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Most people would say 'the deets', but I say 'the tails'. Just another example of innovation. — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
I'm the kind of person, if I see something, like a funny video, I want to share it. With Twitter and Tumblr… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
In this era, we have more choice than any group of people ever. When you are out at night, anyone in the… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
I think when people talk about improvising it turns into this silly thing like, "Oh there's like a hula hoop there and… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
It's the hardest thing to come up with an hour of material that can consistently keep people laughing. — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Some comedians will tour and do these classic bits all the time. But now with YouTube and Comedy Central, people see your… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Your favorite kind of cake can't be birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal. — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday. — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
For the majority of the time, I may as well have been just a really tan white kid. You know, I may as well… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't,… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
You go to any Jay-Z concert, and he plays his hits. Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Let's have a moment of silence for all the chubby Asian dudes that are getting 'Gangnam style!' yelled at them by bros around the… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
At the risk bragging, one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
“Rather than compare actual jobs, with their various pros and cons, in their minds they wound up selecting the features of each particular job… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
“Yale sociologist John Ellsworth Jr. said after a study of marriage patterns in Simsbury, Connecticut (population 3,941): “People will go as far as they… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Why would anyone get married and have babies? That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. Or the scariest thing I've ever… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
