Humor Quotes by Anonymous · Page 17

If being broke is a joke then you a funny nigga.

— Anonymous

Nothing says regret like the email address you made as a kid.

— Anonymous

If you're a girl who raises her voice a lot, I assume your mom didn't hug you enough when you were a…

— Anonymous

No matter how many search engines there are, we will always use Google.

— Anonymous

Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? [Pull your pockets inside out] Would you like to?

— Anonymous

Writing is 1% inspiration, 99% not getting distracted by the internet.

— Anonymous

If I gained a calorie for every time I thought of food, I'd be the size of a blue whale.

— Anonymous

I was the other man, basically. The OB which is lingo for original boyfriend not obstetrician was just ridiculous looking.

— Anonymous

He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.

— Anonymous

Sometimes I like to glew my thumbs to my nipples and pretend I'm a T-rex.

— Anonymous

“Even in Hell, we need to keep our sense of humor, sis.” (Rayea)”

— Anonymous

I want my people to understand that because only man is capable to laugh, that means laughter is the highest point of…

— Anonymous

If you are trapped in the dream of the other. you are fucked !

— Anonymous

That one mysterious toothbrush in the bathroom that nobody uses...

— Anonymous

My Zombie apocalypse plan is simple but effective; I fully intend to die in the very first wave. Seems more logical than…

— Anonymous

“Sometimes there was humor in Max Vandenburg’s voice, though its physicality was like friction—like a stone being gently rubbed across a large…

— Anonymous

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.

— Anonymous

Laughter and weeping, the Greek masks of comedy and tragedy, mark the extremes ofa continuous spectrum; both provide channels for the overflow…

— Anonymous

When I see a bruised apple at the market, I give it a soft hug and whisper, 'Who did this to you?'

— Anonymous

Death is just nature's way of making room for the less experienced.

— Anonymous

Negative humor is forgotten immediately. It's the stuff that makes us feel better about our lives that lives long. Much more satisfying.…

— Anonymous

Why do single girls take advice from other single girls? That's like ray charles giving stevie wonder driving directions.

— Anonymous

Its gonna be funny when I dont care anymore...

— Anonymous

A great deal of thought must be given to your daughter's marriage. Otherwise, she will simply slink off like a cat on…

— Anonymous

“Cheese, Leon! Go get the cheese!”

— Anonymous

I found the key to success¦however, I found a note from success's landlord saying that the locks have been changed.

— Anonymous

Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap.

— Anonymous

Yes I am a little full of myself. Play your cards right and you can be full of me too.

— Anonymous

Laughter is poison to fear.

— Anonymous

When you see your friend at the bus stop, and they live too far... ha ha ha..

— Anonymous

The harder you try to be funny, the less funny you will be.

— Anonymous

If your password is your name...you deserve to be hacked.

— Anonymous

I always thought air was free... But then I brought a bag of chips.

— Anonymous

SINGLE AND (maybe if youre attractive funny and educated and/or Ryan Gosling ) READY TO MINGLE.

— Anonymous

She had...the glimmerings of a sense of humour - which is simply another name for a sense of the fitness of things.

— Anonymous

Are you from the ghetto? Cause I'm about to ghetto hold of dat ass

— Anonymous

There is an expiration date for blaming your parents.

— Anonymous

My boyfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.

— Anonymous

The people of the United States will do anything for Latin America, except read about it.

— Anonymous

It is well known that humor, more than anything else in the human make-up, can afford an aloofness and an ability to…

— Anonymous