“One thing my grandpa taught me was never fall asleep while swimming. Or, rather, I’m sure he would have taught me that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My grandpa passed a few days ago. But I’m not sad. He was only driving 20 miles an hour, so I’m sure… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to hold my grandpa in my arms and pet him while I fall asleep. That’s why I’m learning to play… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like people watching. My favorite places are cemeteries. Tell your great grandpa I said hi next time you see him.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My grandpa never read the newspaper. Not because he was particularly optimistic, but because he was illiterate. He taught me to read… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Thanks to my grandpa, I can go to France and not be visiting Germany. He single-handedly won WWII (he only has one… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wish somebody would have told my grandpa about the Cold War, so he could have at least put on a jacket.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best thing my grandpa ever said to me was, “Gladys, bring me some more damn soup.” Well, maybe he wasn’t talking… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The wisest thing my grandpa ever said to me before he died was "Stop!" Thinking back, I don't know if he was… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“-You don’t want to come out and celebrate with me tonight? What’s more important than the fact that I just got a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Grandpa had a good life, up until the day we slaughtered him and ate him. Honestly, he raised chickens, so he should… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d like to write a screenplay about my grandpa, and I’d like my future grandson to play the part. Talk about a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My phone died, so I cremated it along with my grandpa. Well, he was taking up too much room in my freezer.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I love how babies look like old people. I saw a baby the other day that looked exactly like my grandpa, only… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
