The good news is, the stock market is closed and it can't hurt us again until tomorrow. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to geologists, about 100 million years from now, Asia and the Americas will smash together to form one giant supercontinent. The… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Obama administration asked General Motors CEO Rick Wagoner to step down, and he agreed. This is good news for Obama; the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The good news is, President Obama was born in America. The bad news is, so was Donald Trump. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The FCC is considering lifting the ban on cellphone calls on planes. The good news is you'll be able to make calls… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
But the good news, the crime rate is down. Isn't that amazing? Less banks are being robbed. Well, sure. A, there's less… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to The New York Times, the mob has now gotten into Medicare fraud. But the good news is, when they do… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The first case of mad cow disease since 2006 was discovered right here in the United States. The good news, since the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Good news. President Bush is creating thousands of new jobs. Unfortunately, all of them are at the White House. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to the latest poll, a record 73 percent of Americans think the country is headed in the wrong direction. But the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Apparently 26 years ago, Arnold gave an interview to Oui magazine about his sex life. The good news is that Arnold is… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Gray Davis got some good news this week: the Clintons are out here in California campaigning for him. Actually, Hillary is campaigning… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Now the Democrats control the Senate. But the good news is that now the Republicans can admit that Strom Thurmond has been… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The White House says that the unemployment rate is good news because it means more people are looking for jobs. More good… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Republicans finally got some good news over the weekend. The North Koreans set off a nuclear bomb. Thank God. It was… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
