“I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The god excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not agnostic. I'm an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
