“My girlfriend is as reasonable as Lady Justice, and just as blindfolded. She’s tied up in the trunk this very moment.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I miss my ex girlfriend a lot. But at least I’m getting to be a better shot.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Me and my girlfriend aren’t a good fit. Her clothes are much too small for me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On the scale of tomato to ketchup, my girlfriend is definitely a 57.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want my relationship with my girlfriend to be built on trust, not toothpicks, rubber bands, and lentil beans.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I met my girlfriend at a bar. But I broke up with her because she was already there, hitting on another guy.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The other day I woke up to find my girlfriend already gone from the house, and a sticky note on the fridge… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We never know how bad we had it, until something better comes along and we get to experience it for a while… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t like it when I have guests over and my girlfriend doesn’t wear pants and makes sock puppets with stinky socks… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I just broke up with my girlfriend. My wife will be pleased. But first she’ll be displeased, because she didn’t know I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My girlfriend has two aliases. Clones aside, it’s the only time I’ve ever felt like I was cheating on one person with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My ex girlfriend and I go long periods of time without speaking to each other. And in between those extended stretches, we… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My girlfriend just bought me a portable toaster. And my birthday’s coming up, so I’m half expecting her to buy me a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My girlfriend Likes Sex and the City. Trouble is, I live in the country.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My neck size is about the size of both of my girlfriend’s clenched hands.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
