If someone ever asks you to do something for them, do it really bad so you never have to do it again. — Paris Hilton Copy Share Image
I don't like grouper fish. Well, they're okay. They hang around star fish. Because they're grouper fish. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I don't think people think I'm funny, but in my head, I'm like, 'I am!' — Lana Condor Copy Share Image
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait". — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
The more confidence you have in yourself and the more you believe that you are destined to do what you are gonna… — Michelle Rodriguez Copy Share Image
A lot of movies that come from Israel are about war, but there is such good, funny, rounded writing that comes from… — Odeya Rush Copy Share Image
The mathematician who after seeing Phedre asked: 'Qu'est que ca prouve?' was not such a fool as he has been generally made… — W. Somerset Maugham Copy Share Image
I'm not a racist. It's really case by case; it's not ethnicity specific. It's just the way I react to things that… — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of… — Proverb Copy Share Image
During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet. I took the initiative in moving… — Al Gore Copy Share Image
I think the thing that really started setting my career on the course that it's on is when I did '1000 Cats'… — Brett Gelman Copy Share Image
“Can you just kill me? Carry me out in a box?” I looked up at her. “Do you even have a gun?”“What… — Nichole Chase Copy Share Image
