Funny Quotes · Page 42

Gifts are like hooks.

— Martial

Nothing is our except time.

— Seneca the Elder

You can taste a word.

— Pearl Bailey

Listen, listen, listen.

— Joe Pass

She's vibrator dependent.

— Mojo Nixon

My second hit was a flop.

— Shakin' Stevens

Whither thou goest...

— Neil Gaiman

Always the same thing.

— Marcus Tullius Cicero

Nothing makes me more productive then the last minute.

— Anonymous

All but God is changing day by day.

— Charles Kingsley

A superintellect has monkeyed with physics.

— Fred Hoyle

You can be funny about your kids without being unkind.

— Frank Skinner

Take the competition seriously, but not yourself.

— Richard Branson

You have to invent the future you want.

— Vinod Khosla

It is never too late to do anything in life.

— Momofuku Ando

Life is too short to remove a flash drive safely.

— Michael Angelo De Leon

I saw a guy juggling chain saws, it was cool, unless something needed to be sawed down, then it's annoying.

— Mitch Hedberg

You are what you are most profoundly thankful for, and what you love.

— Ralph Marston

What is generally termed reality is, to be precise, a frothy nothing.

— Hugo Ball

One must never set up a murder. They must happen unexpectedly, as in life.

— Alfred Hitchcock

Don't get shock if I unfollow you. It was completely your fault (for thinking I am different).

— Nikhil Saluja

Peace is the altar of God, the condition in which happiness exists.

— Paramahansa Yogananda

If you were born in the 90's The best P.E. lessons involved a rainbow colored parachute...

— Brandon Martin

“It's not funny. I'm going to be miserable without you.” “Then come home with me so you don't have to be.”

— Georgia Cates

My way of looking at the world is that if it is true, it is funny and it is dark. No matter…

— Maria Semple

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life...so, something that is potentially four months down the…

— Adam Carolla

As a writer, or as a filmmaker, you have to present yourself, and part of what yourself is is what you're interested…

— Charlie Kaufman

'Shut the fudge up. You little asstronaut. What the helicopters are you doing? You son of a batch of cookies!' That's how…

— Anonymous

“Penumbra [...] produces another e-reader - it's a Nook. Then another one, a Sony. Another one, marked KOBO. Really? Who has a Kobo?”

— Robin Sloan

And then all of a sudden, you're doing jumping jacks, you're happy, because Kane can talk. The Big Red Retard can finally…

— Dwayne Johnson

If I had a kid, I'd give him a name that would make everyone would want to say his name. I'd call…

— Dave Attell

Opportunity tends to knock once, then it's gone...temptation, however, likes to stand there and lean on the damn doorbell!

— Sarah Moores

I'm in hate with you.

— Green Monk

This thought is as a death.

— William Shakespeare

I just walk funny.

— Jim Brown

Keep a secure home base.

— Morton Blackwell

Hit them where they ain't.

— Willie Keeler

In two words, impossible.

— Samuel Goldwyn

You like pie? I like pie.

— Barack Obama

Funny, yet not really..

— Rachel Copeland