Funny Quotes · Page 188

Thursday! It can’t be! It’s too gruesome!

— Holly Golightly

Hyperbole is something Id better avoid.

— Terry Gilliam

In literature it is only the wild that attracts us.

— Henry David Thoreau

We learn nothing by being right.

— Elizabeth Bibesco

Aint it funny what a hunny and a Lambourghini will do.

— Yelawolf

Anyone that can pull you down is already below you!

— Bishop Noel Jones

Taste everything, eat nothing.

— Bethenny Frankel

We are defined by the stories we tell ourselves.

— Tony Robbins

Whenever I'm driving alone at night I get scared a murderer is hiding in my back seat...

— Anonymous

I didn't know I would hate you this much. I gotta go out with you on vacation again.

— Green Monk

It's your 21'st birthday, now you can do all the things you were already doing, but weren't supposed to be.

— Anonymous

If you must get in trouble, do it at the Chateau Marmont.

— Harry Cohn

I longed for funny stories about the sort of children who lived in my neighborhood.

— Beverly Cleary

I haven't played Hedda Gabler yet, but maybe if I did I might find the funny bits.

— Sophie Thompson

You're beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone

— Anonymous

I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.

— Anthony Jeselnik

Traveling is like flirting with life. It's like saying, 'I would stay and love you, but I have to go; this is…

— Lisa St. Aubin de Terán

“Funny the way it is, if you think about it Somebody’s going hungry and someone else is eating out. Funny the way…

— Dave Matthews Band

Say, Cuttino. What are those Godawful clothes you're wearing? Man, this ain't Rhode Island anymore. You're in the NBA. The girls have…

— Charles Barkley

The cast of 'Arrow' is truly one of the greatest groups of people I've ever met. Every single one of them is…

— Juliana Harkavy

“The choices that women make sometimes seems provoking and at the same time amusing. I once met a lady who said she…

— Michael Bassey Johnson

The broccoli says I look like small tree The mushroom says I look like an umbrella The walnut says I look like…

— Anonymous

“I had a dream about you. I was a ventriloquist trying to share your fashion secrets, but you wouldn’t talk. So we…

— Bauvard

A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?"…

— Frank Carson

I watched a porno once, it was really funny.

— Katie Holmes

There is a time to dance to techno and a time not to.

— Joe Strummer

Those that are above business.

— Matthew Henry

Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly.

— Thomas Jefferson

He who is full of joy is full of love.

— Baal Shem Tov

Due to Multi-Tenancy our gross margin by over 70%.

— Zach Nelson

To philosophize is to doubt.

— Michel de Montaigne

I already shot my wad on the Protestants!

— Gene Siskel

You cannot live without doing something.

— Carlos Slim

Some people have cats and go on to lead normal lives.

— Anonymous

One [has] to sense the trend of history and precede it.

— Elsa Schiaparelli

Conservatives, come out of the closet

— Jon Bruning

The more you know the less you talk.

— A. R. Rahman

If you kill someone in Texas, we'll kill ya back.

— Ron White

It's not necessary to tell all you know.

— Harper Lee

I hold death in my pouch, I cannot die.

— Fela Kuti