In the grand collage that is Dada, past and future are equally usable. — Andrei Codrescu Copy Share Image
Sometimes I make my life a living hell by writing complex stories with complex characters. But I love it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Happy Memorial Day to someone who would stab himself in the leg to avoid military service. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
They say you can never win from a woman in an arguement, I say you can never win from a woman in… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when you realize your joke isn't as funny as you thought. — Alexia Copy Share Image
Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When the gospel flourishes in the church, everything flourishes with it. — Martin Luther Copy Share Image
“I firmly disagree with anyone who says humans are the most advanced, or the most intelligent species on the planet. In fact,… — Israel Morrow Copy Share Image
He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family,… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
The funny thing is that if I were to die this minute, this second in time, no one would notice. No one… — Lily Copy Share Image
Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function. — Victor Borge Copy Share Image
You might not be funny, but don't force it. Just be authentic because people are going to always appreciate that more. — Zaza Pachulia Copy Share Image
One spelling mistake can destroy your life. a husband sent his wife this I'm having a very wonderful time, I wish you… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? "Would you like some… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I get tired of being asked to be an expert on categories, when it comes to awards season. It's quite funny to… — Emma D'Arcy Copy Share Image
