“I put my heart in a paper cup, so she’d be more likely to drink it up.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I drink sleep, but not like I drink coffee. I chug one and sip the other.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Whenever I drink, I always have one too many. Of course, I only ever drink one.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m all out of beer like I’m all out of love. But I don’t drink beer, so who cares?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Gin is a confusing drink. It’s the only liquid that’s both wet and dry.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you drink, you risk divulging your secrets. Here, have another glass.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d row a gondola like a column is not a row. My coffee may be cold, but my love is warm. When… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to declare war on a country made of glass. I’ll bet those citizens would love to drink… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I drink coffee like other men play basketball. I drink like a woman, and that’s why I use a slightly smaller ball.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Your words are energy. If you don’t speak them, then you will drink them. Swallow that thought, but do not gargle it. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I drink coffee like a civilized man—alone in a cave, wearing a loincloth, and grunting in frustration because my club is too… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There is one woman I’ve dated I just can’t seem to forget, no matter how much I drink or how many concussions… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You drink wine by the glass, and I drink wine by the trashcan. Seriously, I’ll be by the trashcan if you need… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll bet Ryan Lilly drinks coffee like a flower—a lily. I drink coffee more like two roses and a nose walk into… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“They call alcohol spirits, because it’s the spirit turned liquid. Would you drink my soul if you knew I’d use it to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick and a blanket walk into a bar, and the bartender turns and says, “What can I get you started with?”… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I go to the bar, I never drink much. And to do that I avoid conversations, as silence reduces saliva and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think coffee is the best drink known to man. I also think that wine is the best drink known to woman.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to aid the lonely. Carry it with you, converse with it, and if you drink enough, you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
