My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking. That this happens is a matter of record. But the blame is… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
“I was in love with a beautiful blond once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
