The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking. That this happens is a matter of record. But the blame is… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
I always made up my own acts; built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
