“I’m a murderer. I killed the conversation. She said she loved me, and I said, “If you love me, wait until you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t be surprised if I try to stab you with a club sandwich sword. I will defend your right to free speech… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m exercising my right to free speech, because it used to be obese. For years all it did was sit on the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I won an Oscar. I Won it in a raffle. It’s a replica, but I still gave a teary-eyed acceptance speech. I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I go to the bar, I never drink much. And to do that I avoid conversations, as silence reduces saliva and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I talk about talking like I listen to listening—in a room with mirrored walls that makes me appreciate the infinity that is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Language is the proper way to communicate, followed closely by five balled up fingers forming a fist and flying at a face.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I were alone with my clone, and we were enjoying each others' solitude, I'd have finally have met a man with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
