I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Children should be taught to question everything . . . everything they read and everything they hear. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
A woman told me her child was autistic, and I thought she said artistic. So I said, 'Oh great. I'd like to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see... 'We are the Proud Parents of a Child who has resisted his teacher's attempts… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was kind of sweet kid, according my mother, and my recollections. Thoughtful and good, but kind of alone - although I… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When you start in the childhood period, when you begin to form a comic sense, it was the radio comedians - from… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Everybody in America is a part of this big herd of cattle being led to the marketplace, not to be sold, which… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Nothing worse... nothing worse that to be stuck somewhere with some married a-hole and have to listen to him tell you about… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I like good ideas. I don't want just do something for it's own sake to bother people, but if I can bother… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't think drugs are a problem; I think they're a symptom. As long as Americans are empty, spiritually, emotionally, morally empty,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
