“Six months ago when she first came up with the idea to kill Wilson, back when she was living in Memphis, she'd… — Elizabeth Stuckey-French Copy Share Image
“[I hear phone sex can work], I sent, [but I kind of doubt text-sex would.] He sent me a picture shot down… — K.D. Sarge Copy Share Image
“My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who and how you are, to astonish a mean world with… — Maya Angelou Copy Share Image
I love comedy and I would write things to myself as an exercise in writing. I didn't do well for years, and… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
“Jane's stories are too sensible. Then Diana puts too much murders into hers. She says most of the time she doesn't know… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There exists a kind of laughter which is worthy to be ranked with the higher lyric emotions and is infinitely different from… — Nikolai Gogol Copy Share Image
Guitar makes even have a word for these baby-boomers-who-alwyas-wanted-to-be-great-guitarists-and-now-have-the-money-to-indulge-those-dreams: dentists — Tim Brookes Copy Share Image
“There are four ways to manage stress. There's drugs, there's alcohol, there's sex, and there's doughnuts. I go with sex and doughnuts.… — Janet Evanovich Copy Share Image
“Did you just call me a numpty?" "Yup. A delusional one." "What, may I ask, is a numpty?" "A person demonstrating a… — Samantha Young Copy Share Image
We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical,… — Alan King Copy Share Image
For me, I've been doing comedy for a long time, and I love it and have no regrets, but 'Chernobyl' expresses a… — Craig Mazin Copy Share Image
Humor is, I think, the subtlest and chanciest of literary forms. It is surely not accidental that there are a thousand novelists,… — Leo Rosten Copy Share Image
As far as what makes a viral video, then it's gotta be something that you've either never seen before, a fresh piece… — Adam McKay Copy Share Image
“A day without someone to hold you or a day without someone to share, is a day easily forgotten.’ - Vera Richardson… — D.M. Lee Copy Share Image
“Next, I wasn't willing to mimic a dude. I'd done it twice and it wasn't something I wanted to do again. Ever.… — Jus Accardo Copy Share Image
“I fear you’re correct there. Catherine warns me that he has the look of a scoundrel about him.” “Jack has told me… — Lorraine Heath Copy Share Image
“Wow. You’re going to be a little more difficult to date than I anticipated.” I loosely crossed my arms and leaned against… — Devon Ashley Copy Share Image
“Cassius couldn’t take any more. “Okay, that’s enough. We’re done here.” His heart hammered, his palms were sweating, and his knees felt… — Gabrielle Evans Copy Share Image
This is going to sound pretentious, but I like comedy that addresses something I find either worrisome or interesting in my life.… — Zach Woods Copy Share Image
“Definition: 'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometres away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a… — Hk-47 Copy Share Image
“Serpentfire can burn for a very long time if the bagic is strong," said Aldric. "It's hard to handle, that kind of… — Jason Hightman Copy Share Image
“When did swearing become so easy? You still would never swear in front of your parents or most adults, but when you're… — Charles Benoit Copy Share Image
It is observable that the ladies frequent tragedies more than comedies; the reason may be, that in tragedy their sex is deified… — Alexander Pope Copy Share Image
“Don't fret my dear. If art is translation of the ephemeral into observable form, then always remember that it is the translationn… — Jomny Sun Copy Share Image
They could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now saying, "Remember… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Abignades or abegnades A term used in te department of the Landes for the intestines of a goose cooked in its blood.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Did you talk to him about it?" "Oh, sure. Nothing happened, yadda yadda. The usual. But my maydar went off like crazy."… — Rachel Caine Copy Share Image
“She pushed him onto the couch and straddled him... Min swallowed "the thing is, im going to spread. Hips, thighs-" "Not till… — Jennifer Crusie Copy Share Image
“Finally I knelt on the bed and placed my hand on his back. I patted awkwardly, hoping that was protocol for when… — Elana Johnson Copy Share Image
“OMG. He's a gift shop, a lamb kebab with mint,/a solar panel poetry machine with biceps. He's the path/through the dark woods,… — Ron Koertge Copy Share Image
Humor implies a sure conception of the beautiful, the majestic and he true, by whose light it surveys and shape s their… — Edwin Percy Whipple Copy Share Image
Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
“Kitty, do you have the bottle?" "In my purse. Which is in my room. Not that I think I can find my… — Gini Koch Copy Share Image
“I will protect you," she promised the Bosendorfer inside. "I won't let you down." Sophie gave her a quizzical look. "Bastards better… — Dianne Sylvan Copy Share Image
“Truth be told, I'm not an easy man. I can be an entertaining one, though it's been my experience that most people… — Richard Russo Copy Share Image
There are elements of comedy that can be competitive and back stab-y, but one of the underreported sides is that we love… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
“Without missing a beat he said, “This year, Santa, I’d like a pony and an Easy-Bake Oven.” Raja grunted and pushed him… — Karsten Knight Copy Share Image
I have tried to improve telescopes and practiced continually to see with them. These instruments have play'd me so many tricks that… — William Herschel Copy Share Image
There's such an odd, eclectic group of people that make up the town of Plymouth, New Hampshire. I don't think I could… — Eliza Coupe Copy Share Image
“As far as Ahsoka Tano was concerned, the only thing worse than being up to her armpits in battle droids was waiting… — Karen Miller Copy Share Image
![“[I hear phone sex can work], I sent, [but I kind of doubt text-sex would.] He sent me a picture shot down his pants. I snickered and sent him a picture of my mouth. [autehigixuhi&^%$], he sent back. Then, [yeah, phone sex not satisfying. Also I think I dick-dialed Kentucky.]” quote by K.D. Sarge](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/f8f/k-d-sarge-56640_humor_i-hear-phone-sex-can-work-i-sent-but-i-k_2129089.jpg)
