“ Last question: will I really get zapped by lightning if I call Zeus's Fist the 'Poop Pile'? PJ: Only one way… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
The book, '12 Rules For Life,' is a very serious book. There's elements of humor in it, but I'm trying to struggle… — Jordan Peterson Copy Share Image
“I waved back and went in, and began to sort my way through ancient building plans that had been rolled up so… — Dick Francis Copy Share Image
“He spent the next weeks blocking scenes of the bureaucrat fucking his wife. On the floor with cooking ingredients. Standing, with socks… — Jonathan Safran Foer Copy Share Image
“Nay, 'twill be this hour ere I have done weeping. All the kind of the Launces have this very fault. I have… — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
“I can remember hearing one middle-aged man who sat nearby saying 'Simmer down, boyo' to another older man seated kitty-corner to me… — David Foster Wallace Copy Share Image
You know they call corn-on-the-cob, "corn-on-the-cob", but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it corn, and… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“[Artemis] returned to the aft bay for Mulch's version of a briefing. The dwarf had drawn a crude diagram on a backlit… — Eoin Colfer Copy Share Image
“I find myself in social situations often where I think of a response to something someone has just said and it’s just… — Caspar Vega Copy Share Image
“Hi Liz! You're home!" I replied, my voice louder than it probably should've been. "Hey, how's it going?" she asked, her eyes… — Hayden Thorne Copy Share Image
“Man with goatee. Man who looked like a Beatle. All the Beatles at once. Woman wearing newspaper hat. I'd grown used to… — Olivia Sudjic Copy Share Image
The thing in comedy is that once you start worrying about something not succeeding, you're frozen. There's no verdict on anything. You… — Martin Short Copy Share Image
“I advise you to be suspicious of any black American whose family does not claim a blood connection to Native Americans. That’s… — Baratunde Thurston Copy Share Image
“Ruth Cole was a novelist; novelists are not at their best when they go off half-cocked. She believed that she would prepare… — John Irving Copy Share Image
“(Excerpt from a standup routine by Matt Graham:) Last Friday, my roommate sent me out to get some canned fish, because we're… — Stefan Fatsis Copy Share Image
“Lucifer will be furious with you for failing, but it's not like he can do anything about it. Women don't always do… — Trinity Faegen Copy Share Image
“The hamster-powered hat is the same as any other hat. It keeps your head warm and looks smart,” the inventor said. “The… — Mark Jackman Copy Share Image
“It looks like an asylum landed here,” Andrew quipped, poking his head out of Oliver’s pocket. “Ooh, I spot an ass-shaped tent.”… — Zeinab Alayan Copy Share Image
We’ve got to have a little humor in our lives. You had better take seriously that which should be taken seriously but,… — Gordon B. Hinckley Copy Share Image
“101 Reasons why its great to be a woman: We have an excuse to justify an inordinate indulgence in bitchiness: It's clearly… — Summersdale Publishers Copy Share Image
I do not agree with this notion that somehow if I go to try to attract votes and to lead people toward… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“You do realize that if anything happens to you, my son will be devastated?” Ella’s throat closed. She really didn’t want to… — Michelle Smart Copy Share Image
I ran to Rachel [Comey]'s show and on the way I found a potted tree - an umbrella tree - on the… — Parker Posey Copy Share Image
“This guy was making me tired. “Thanks for the afternoon’s entertainment,” I said. “I’ll flush a copy of my bill down the… — John Swartzwelder Copy Share Image
“Millard! Who's the prime minister?" "Winston Churchill," he said. "Have you gone daft?" "What's the capital of Burma?" "Lord, I've no idea.… — Ransom Riggs Copy Share Image
If there is not laughter in intimacy, it becomes heavy, burdensome, and dull. At my best moments, the love dialogue I try… — Andrew Greeley Copy Share Image
“He looked like a sexy ninja. Or a tiger ready to pounce on his prey. She just looked like she was sitting… — Leia Shaw Copy Share Image
“A friend said to me, “Hey you need to grow a pair. Grow a pair, Bro.” It’s when someone calls you weak,… — Sheng Wang Copy Share Image
A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says "What… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
“Yes, I'm sorry you won't be coming with us," Chloe said to Alex. "But please don't worry. I'm certain The Lord has… — Meg Cabot Copy Share Image
“A year ago I would’ve been taken in by his chivalry, but now I knew what laid behind the façade: a frog… — Luella Christie Copy Share Image
“Aeron’s stone-faced expression cracked, as he turned to give me a dumbfounded look. Meeting his questioning eyes, I let out a little… — M.A. George Copy Share Image
“He held out a hand, "I am Lord Bradley, noble nobody if you must know, and greatest source of annoyance to his… — Nicole Sager Copy Share Image
“Um . . . guys? If I, say, noticed a crack in a wall in a tunnel and a cold, creepy draft… — Mark Del Franco Copy Share Image
It's so pretentious, but I believe that with comedy, if you have a good story, 90% of it is casting. Once you… — Matt Walsh Copy Share Image
“norris didn't cry, but he was apt to puke on them, the way he had puked on homer gamache that time he… — Stephen King Copy Share Image
It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
“Save your explanations, I got some questions for you first and you'd better answer them!' [slurred Hellian.] 'With what?' [Banaschar] sneered. 'Explanations?'… — Steven Erikson Copy Share Image
The only thing I miss from the sitcom format is that immediate gratification of when you're, if we're talking about comedy, of… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
![“[Artemis] returned to the aft bay for Mulch's version of a briefing. The dwarf had drawn a crude diagram on a backlit wall panel. In fairness, there were more artistic chimpanzees. And less pungent ones. Mulch was using a carrot as a pointer, or more accurately, several carrots. Dwarfs liked…” quote by Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/ed3/eoin-colfer-736_diagram_artemis-returned-to-the-aft-bay-for-mulc_3057748.jpg)
![“I ran to Rachel [Comey]'s show and on the way I found a potted tree - an umbrella tree - on the street. I always think things are going to be way more intimate than they are and there aren't going to be a lot of people around. I don't know why I think this. I'm always shocked at what a hoopla…” quote by Parker Posey](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/bf8/parker-posey-3218_down-and_i-ran-to-rachel-comey-s-show-and-on-the_2992650.jpg)
![“Save your explanations, I got some questions for you first and you'd better answer them!' [slurred Hellian.] 'With what?' [Banaschar] sneered. 'Explanations?' 'No. Answers. There's a difference-' 'Really? How? What difference?' 'Explanations are what people use when they need to lie. Y'can always…” quote by Steven Erikson](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/d79/steven-erikson-588_answers_save-your-explanations-i-got-some-questi_1357072.jpg)
