“Your kids pissing you off is an inborn instinct. It's nature's way of getting you to kick them out when they turn… — Dakota Dawn Copy Share Image
“This is a bawdy tale. Herein you will find gratuitous shagging, murder, spanking, maiming, treason, and heretofore unexplored heights of vulgarity and… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“I'm a shreddermouf, aren't I?' 'I was afraid of that,' said Tansy. He was going to keep her in his larder until… — Elizabeth Kay Copy Share Image
“Can there really be a form of verse where all that counts is the number of syllables in a line? No patterning… — Stephen Fry Copy Share Image
(speaking about ron being made a prefect) You're a prefect? Oh Ronnie! That's everyone in the family! What are Fred and I?… — JK Rowling Copy Share Image
“She knew a cutting, incisive, withering and above all a self-evident answer existed. It was just that, to her extreme annoyance, she… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
Billy Pilgrim had a theory about diaries. Women were more likely than men to think that their lives had sufficient meaning to… — Dean Koontz Copy Share Image
“I had recently come into the possession of a Thesaurus. You would not believe how many words there are! When I opened… — The Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
I think if you write humor, then people don't - you know - they don't give you that much credit. They tend… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“The more you read, the better you get at it; the better you get at it, the more you like it; and… — Jim Trelease Copy Share Image
“How's your foot?” Hadrian asked. “It hurts.” “He had a good hold.” “Bit right through my boot.” “Yeah, that looked painful.” “So… — Michael J. Sullivan Copy Share Image
“Remember the Hottentots?" asked James. "They've become the Khoi now, which means that the Germans will have to retire that wonderful word… — Alexander McCall Smith Copy Share Image
I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I didn't realize how good I was with technology until I met my parents... my dad told me "You're good; you should… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
Hello?... No I'm sorry no Shaquita here. Well what number did you dial?.. No it's a nine not a seven... Well try… — Katt Williams Copy Share Image
“The clerk is looking at me. His expression hasn't changed. What I want to do is punch a hole in the front… — Richard Kadrey Copy Share Image
In music, you ain't really got to be able to sing. In comedy, you may be cute, you may be able to… — Amanda Seales Copy Share Image
Ozzie Smith just made another play that I've never seen anyone else make before, and I've seen him make it more often… — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
If you can't joke about the most horrendous things in the world, what's the point of jokes? What's the point in having… — Ricky Gervais Copy Share Image
“When you are around people who are really suffering, you get to experience some of their suffering and that can make you… — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
“Somebody’s going to be reading, right? Wrong. They’re FBing. “Doing a Number Two. Maybe I shouldn’t have had those chilli peppers. Hope… — Hope Barrett Copy Share Image
“LEARN FROM THE MASTERS: Mark Twain once said, “Show, don’t tell.” This is an incredibly important lesson for writers to remember; never… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
“Bad enough that getting turned on when he had nothing more than a bath towel to hide it would make the condition… — Heidi Betts Copy Share Image
“Breakfast was the full whammy: eggs, rashers, sausages, black pudding, fried bread, fried tomatoes. This was clearly some kind of statement, but… — Tana French Copy Share Image
The humor I came up with is, for the most part, a bit crude or guttural, and many people aren't going to… — Donald Ray Pollock Copy Share Image
“When singers, actors or artists touch on sorrow, they are trying to give comfort to aggrieved souls by giving some meaning to… — Janvier Chouteu-Chando Copy Share Image
“Lucas took a tentative sip of his coffee. It tasted like an otter had pissed in a tea urn and it had… — Adam Maxwell Copy Share Image
“Bombs Away!" he yelled, swooping low over StregaSchloss. He saw little figures on the ground fleeing from the large green projectile that… — Debi Gliori Copy Share Image
“Neil Mars?! I could blame him for having killer looks but he could not be faulted for this. He couldn’t have chosen… — Rucy Ban Copy Share Image
“From Olsen's Nation: "Through the power of our diplomacy, a world that was once divided about how to deal with Iran’s nuclear… — Randy Quarles Copy Share Image
The quality of my songs will get through to people. They are good songs. Lyrically, some of them are interesting: there's stories,… — Gilbert O'Sullivan Copy Share Image
“Mr. Rochester never courted Jane Eyre," Tessa pointed out. "No, he dressed up as a woman and terrified the poor girl out… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
“God works in mysterious ways, baby, and there is never more evidence of this than when your life is going along fairly… — Suzanne Finnamore Copy Share Image
You don't see a wonderful shot in a comedy. Why? Because they don't want to distract you from what matters, which is… — Fede Alvarez Copy Share Image
"I can't believe you recently had a baby. How do you do it?" The baby starts to come down...and once that happens… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
“Gokudera: Anyway I don't like that guy. Tsuna: Huh? Why not? Gokudera: Anyone older than me is my enemy. Tsuna: [shocked -… — Amano Akira Copy Share Image
“success for me is simply empowerment to realize your humanity and then perhaps you achieve contentment. Wealth, power and fame are trappings… — Joseph V. Angeles Copy Share Image
“I wish we could make out in your bed." Noah sighed. "As do I, but I'm afraid we have ritual burning to… — Michelle Hodkin Copy Share Image
“Will put his hand on Nico's shoulder. "Nico, we need to have another talk about your people skills." "Hey, I'm just stating… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
I think physical comedy is an amazing asset because it tells a story that's more universal than just language and dialogue. I… — Josh Gad Copy Share Image
![“Gokudera: Anyway I don't like that guy. Tsuna: Huh? Why not? Gokudera: Anyone older than me is my enemy. Tsuna: [shocked - thinking to himself] God! That's alot of enemies!” quote by Amano Akira](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/7b2/amano-akira-106156_enemies_gokudera-anyway-i-don-t-like-that-guy-ts_590078.jpg)
