“His only mistake was not realizing there was a second car. There’s always a second car. Except when there’s not.” — Brian Evenson Copy Share Image
“By noon that day I was painfully aware of how many people needed the services of an entomologist/proctologist. AArdvarks” — Ken Montrose Copy Share Image
Congratulations, you have a sense of humor. And to those who didn't: Go stick your head in the mud. — Jesse Ventura Copy Share Image
“I’m a fake fact factory. The things I make are the things I make up. Also, as a side business, I make… — Dora J. Arod Copy Share Image
I believe you are one of the people that can lift the corners of the universe. — Ann M. Martin Copy Share Image
“He exhaled in disgust. “High school is boredom punctuated by humiliation.” — Katie Kennedy Copy Share Image
“Amateur psychiatric prognosis can be fascinating when there is absolutely nothing else to do.” — Richard Condon Copy Share Image
Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter. — Friedrich Nietzsche Copy Share Image
In my banjo show with the Steep Canyon Rangers, I do do comedy during that show. It'd be absurd just to stand… — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
“Me?...Stupid?” I fluttered my eyes innocently. “When have I ever done anything stupid?” “Don’t get me wrong, you’re the smartest person I… — M.A. George Copy Share Image
I certainly don't see the humour in my work as something that detracts from its seriousness. It's just a way of making… — Patricia Piccinini Copy Share Image
“But an inferior talent can only be graceful when it's carrying inferior ideas. And the more narrowly you can look at a… — F. Scott Fitzgerald Copy Share Image
“Leo plunked the cheese wheel in front of me. "Cut me a wedge of this, my good ma. Chop-chop!" I scowled at… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
There are more people abusive to others than lie open to abuse themselves; but the humor goes round, and he that laughs… — Seneca the Younger Copy Share Image
“How did that saying go? Alexia wondered. Ah, yes, “Brash as an American.” Well, they had won their independence somehow, and it… — Gail Carriger Copy Share Image
“Laughter has proven to be useful in other ways, too. It can make an awkward silence a lot less awkward, like when… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
Faith handles the ultimate incongruities of life, humor handles the more immediate ones. — William Sloane Coffin Copy Share Image
The ability to workshop in stand-up comedy is incomparable to any art form, in my opinion. — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
There are a couple hard things. One, getting a funny idea that people can relate to; a funny idea or a funny… — David Spade Copy Share Image
“My coffin isn't going to be featured in Better Homes and Moonscapes anytime soon, but it's all I can afford.” — Andy Weir Copy Share Image
“Dr. Tezla: Mark Wylde. Markie: Yeah! Dr. Tezla: Kurt Wylde. Markie: Ahhh! (Throws machinery on floor)” — Hot Wheels Acceleracers Copy Share Image
“A man's love for a woman is not defined by his availability in bed, but by every ingredient he adds to improve… — Michael Bassey Johnson Copy Share Image
I have five boys in the family, and it's constant competition, sport, humor, and practical jokes. — Mitt Romney Copy Share Image
Tough and funny and a little bit kind: that is as near to perfection as a human being can be. — Mignon McLaughlin Copy Share Image
I've always played comedy. My background is musical comedy theatre, and that's really where my training is. — Christopher Walken Copy Share Image
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I'd rather be the bloke laughing at other people. I don't need to make people laugh. I surround myself with funny people.… — Jennifer Garner Copy Share Image
“You know you’ve reached the end of a relationship: when your lover now demands that your jokes be funny before they laugh.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
“...he felt as if he were trying to move a glacier with a frozen chicken.” — Mur Lafferty Copy Share Image
There's a moment in every romantic comedy when a person sees something in someone else that nobody else sees. — Matt Walsh Copy Share Image
I like being a funny lady. I think theres nothing sexier than a funny lady. — Maya Rudolph Copy Share Image
If you try to go for a laugh, it's death to the comedy. Personally, that's how I approach comedy. But I'm no… — Rachel Weisz Copy Share Image
“Have I have played my part well in the comedy of life? If so, clap your hands and dismiss me from the… — Augustus Copy Share Image
Secret 869119. When searching for a terrorist cell, try to remember the last place you used it. — John Alejandro King Copy Share Image
I'm used to doing standup comedy where it's just me and a microphone and what I say goes. — Esther Povitsky Copy Share Image
It's important for young men and women who look at the Nebraska champs to understand that quality of life is more than… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
“somehow people forget that there is God… what more to us we're just individuals,, to forget is part of imperfections..” — Orosa Nakpil Malate Copy Share Image
I'm not a naturally funny man. I find that I can only be funny, if I become someone else. — Rowan Atkinson Copy Share Image
