Really, more than anything, The 2000 Year Old Man is a huge influence on all of our comedy, but specifically the live… — Nick Kroll Copy Share Image
I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer." — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
“Many things have been compared to a brick, mainly as a tribute to their intellect or to their aerodynamic characteristics.” — Sorin Suciu Copy Share Image
“If your IQ was one point lower, you'd be a plant,' was Steve's only comment.” — Robert Ludlum Copy Share Image
Love is like sugar...It tastes sweet to begin with, but in the end it still gives you diabetes. — Jared Drake Copy Share Image
“There is no problem that can't be solved with the help of a good carrot pie, my friend.” — Anna Horbatenko Copy Share Image
Comedy is easy. You have to react to what others are saying and it is all about the timing, the dialogue delivery. — Neha Dhupia Copy Share Image
“So I'm on my way to work and I stop to watch a pigeon fight a rat in the snow, and some… — Josh Bazell Copy Share Image
“you happen to be possessed of a certain verbal acuity coupled with a relentless hair trigger humor and surface cheer spackling over… — David Rakoff Copy Share Image
There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him,… — Alan King Copy Share Image
Especially while television I think is going through some growing pains or is in need of - I think current comedy is… — Jenna Elfman Copy Share Image
“I love it," I say. "So I learned it." It's an explanation that leaves a lot out. But I learned a long… — Jael McHenry (The Kitchen Daughter Copy Share Image
“Suddenly, he wanted some credit for it. He wanted someone to thank him for not crapping on the institution of love. He… — Amity Gaige Copy Share Image
“She tried to keep in mind how scared and hurt Hunter was and decided to let him have that one. She chose… — Aaron Overfield Copy Share Image
“when the end came and there was initial chaos and rampant starvation, people learned all too well that you could not rely… — Benjamin Wallace Copy Share Image
Movies are designed to tell us stories, engage us on an emotional level and keep our attention. This can be done with… — David Hayter Copy Share Image
Laughter puts your brain, your central nervous system and your whole being into a state of free play. — Max Eastman Copy Share Image
“There was something touching about the fact that Murray was dressed almost totally in corduroy.” — Don DeLillo Copy Share Image
“If heaven really exists: then heaven is the job, hell is unemployment, while life is merely an interview.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
My passions are stand-up comedy, hard rock and metal, and baseball and the Mets. — Jim Breuer Copy Share Image
“Estabilizo meu humor com suco de tangerina, mas nem todos ácidos e açúcares conseguem minimizar a gravidade apocalíptica do desejo.” — Filipe Russo Copy Share Image
I think we're always looking for ways to inject a sense of humor into our music. — Finneas Copy Share Image
“Seven smirked as he walked back over to me. "I gave you catharsis last night. Twice.” — T.J. Klune Copy Share Image
“I just want mind-boggling sex tonight, but I don’t think you can beat my vibrator.” — Anna Bayes Copy Share Image
Optimist: someone who isn't sure whether life is a tragedy or a comedy but is tickled silly just to be in the… — Robert Breault Copy Share Image
“Don't part from me in any ill humor. I never knew you to be out of patience with me before.” — Kate Chopin Copy Share Image
“Bracy sighed, "So this wasn't the heart...it was the head." "Bracy don't try to be poetic; it doesn't suit you.” — Nicole Sager Copy Share Image
The saints are never the kind of killjoy spinster aunts who go in for faultfinding and lack all sense of humor. — Hans Urs von Balthasar Copy Share Image
I'm not really crazy about broad comedy. I like very possible, real situations that you might have found yourself in. — Judge Reinhold Copy Share Image
“Seriously? One kiss and we’re having an existential crisis? Angie, breathe. There’s no ring on your finger. Date whoever you want. Chapter… — Irina Semikop Copy Share Image
“You can take the barbarian out of the tavern, but he can take the blood out of your body.” — Greg X. Graves Copy Share Image
When I say something funny in a newspaper and I meant it to be funny, it doesn't read that way. — Michael Buble Copy Share Image
“Men are funny characters, they must always have something to bemuse them.” — Henrik Ibsen Copy Share Image
Have you ever thought about toothpaste? Ellen has! And she makes a point about all of the types of toothpaste that Colgate… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
“A girl can dream can’t she? My new life plan is to stumble into every office of a CEO until I find… — Sophie Monroe Copy Share Image
“The ironic part about all this was that it wasn't the first time I'd been nearly digested. But that's another story.” — K.A. Applegate Copy Share Image
“I'm over the hill for come-on lines. On a quiet day, I can hear my liver rotting. For exercise, I fall down.” — James Lee Burke Copy Share Image
Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I'm going to have all my clothes made out of blankets. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“I had a dream that I was in someone else’s shoes for once…they were the wrong size.” — Starley Ard Copy Share Image
“Retail therapy—usually one of my first resorts—wasn’t working; I felt like a cat that smelled pit bull.” — M.L.N. Hanover Copy Share Image
