“Lingerer, my brain is on fire with impatience; and you tarry so long!” — Charlotte Brontë Copy Share Image
I'm the munter of my friends. I've got wonky teeth and a lazy eye. My friend Rob is disgusted I'm a heart-throb. — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel. — James Thurber Copy Share Image
“We could sing to lift our spirits,’ one of them suggested. Believe me, you want me to end the chapter now.” — M.T. Anderson Copy Share Image
I love life, and I have a lot of gratitude. There have been a lot of bumps in the road, but my… — Shelley Morrison Copy Share Image
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth. - Barney Stinson — How I Met Your Mother Copy Share Image
I've always loved movies, and enjoyed theater and stand-up comedy and I had a knack for writing and performing. — Paul Walter Hauser Copy Share Image
It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it - The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his… — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
“Say fuck the hole day, geuss what. By the end of that day you'ld achieve more happiness then if you did not ~” — Patricio Telman Chincocolo Copy Share Image
“Sorry, I didn’t know that you had a vagina, I’ll refrain from using vulgar words for now on. How about it smells… — Katelin LaMontagne Copy Share Image
If someone tells me they've read my tweets since the early days, I feel like I know them; they know my highs… — Rachel Sennott Copy Share Image
“The television was on Florida Cable News. A gray-haired man behind the anchor desk reported near tragedy at a state motor vehicle… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
Comedy has to be done en clair. You can't blunt the edge of wit or the point of satire with obscurity. Try… — James Thurber Copy Share Image
“He's got this thing about Canada. He says it's like America only with health care and no guns, and you can live… — Ruth Ozeki Copy Share Image
“Detective Virgil and Barlow [bomb-technician] arranged to meet at the Starbucks. Virgil got a grande hot chocolate, no-fat milk, no foam, no… — John Sandford Copy Share Image
“I’m starting to think Mordecai bound you to someone’s grandmother instead of the earth, because that’s what you’re starting to sound like!”… — Michael G. Manning Copy Share Image
“I hold the biscuits in front of his face and he stands up. "What do I have to do?" he says. "Nothing,"… — George Saunders Copy Share Image
Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“It’s been said by many people that I look like I know what I’m doing.” — T.J. Klune Copy Share Image
Just tell the truth, and they'll accuse you of writing black humor. — Charles Willeford Copy Share Image
![“Detective Virgil and Barlow [bomb-technician] arranged to meet at the Starbucks. Virgil got a grande hot chocolate, no-fat milk, no foam, no whipped cream, and Barlow got a venti latte with an extra shot. As they took a corner table, Virgil said, “Remind me not to stand next to you if you’re…” quote by John Sandford](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/b62/john-sandford-5843_coffee_detective-virgil-and-barlow-bomb-technic_3104354.jpg)
