“I was washing the dishes and the sneaky bastard crept up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. And kissed… — Samantha Young Copy Share Image
I don't know what humor is. Anything that's funny -- tragedy or anything, it don't make no difference so [long as] you… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
Hey U Know Which is the best day to propose a girl.. April 1 U Know Why?? If she accept its your… — Hafsa Copy Share Image
I Don't Get why Guys Say Girls With No Asses Should NOT Wear Shorts/Leggings When Guys Wear Muscle Shirts WITHOUT Muscles ..… — Karina Zavala Copy Share Image
Every time I see a math word problem it looks like this: If I have 10 ice cubes and you have 11… — Babloo Copy Share Image
“Randalin rushes toward the door, nearly running into Heather in his haste. He blinks at her in astonishment, clearly not prepared for… — Holly Black Copy Share Image
“Jokes are hilarious only when you take them unreal and dreamlike, otherwise it becomes painful. So I always live otherworldly...” — Saket Assertive Copy Share Image
I had more material on weather than anyone else, I guess, ... back when I was traveling a lot on the road… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all others are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Arranged Marriages: All your life you are expected not to talk to strangers and all of sudden you are expected to sleep… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Advice of the day: If you are trapped between your feelings and what other people think is right, always go with what… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That moment that when you are walking on the street, remember something very funny and can't stop smiling like a retard — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you're going through a divorce and you're in a comedy you have to find some way to find the funny side… — Alan Ruck Copy Share Image
You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father s. He's more particular. The father is always… — Robert Frost Copy Share Image
Twitter, to me, works if you're funny. Twitter doesn't work as a promotional tool unless you do it very, very, very occasionally. — Albert Brooks Copy Share Image
Its funny when the one you love hurts you and expect for you to go crazy and be miserable... But in the… — Veronica Rara Lorenzo Copy Share Image
“Be ready at seven and I'll take you to dinner first." "First?" Just because I asked, didn't mean I plannedto go. I… — Amber Kell Copy Share Image
Even when the sex is great, sometimes women just want to be held, shown attention and listened to attentively making them feel… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A successful man is one who can earn more money than his wife can possibly spend. A successful woman is one who… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“The police have no leads as yet on the person or persons who painted obscene suggestions on the buildings. One store owner… — Anne Bishop Copy Share Image
It's funny, because in 1970 I met the Beatles quite by a chance at a party. It was the Beethoven bicentenary, and… — Daniel Barenboim Copy Share Image
The question who ought to be boss is like who ought to be the tenor in the quartet? Obviously, the man who… — Henry Ford Copy Share Image
When I finished high school, I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
A beautifully constructed borshch, such as you are going to experience presently, ought not only to banish conversation but almost to annihilate… — Hector Hugh Munro Copy Share Image
“Well, anyway, this'll be easier than knocking an elf out of a tree. Trust me.' 'How many elves have you knocked out… — Ian Livingstone Copy Share Image
Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were having a swan. You get more stuffing. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Please ejaculate", I silently urged the man, "so I can go to sleep". (In this way I imagine I was like millions… — Jon Ronson Copy Share Image
Summing it Up..."Where's a good place for dinner?" I asked. "There's the Brasserie Lipp on the Avenue St. Germaine," she said, "or… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Whoever did my mo-cap for Stardust watched my very first entrance and nothing else, because I never did half the stuff ever… — Cody Rhodes Copy Share Image
I'm the youngest, too. When you're the youngest of a big family, people are like, "You're the baby, you're spoiled!" The fact… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
In the happy scenes there were really fun times. Sean would say really funny stuff because he likes to improv. I would… — Dakota Fanning Copy Share Image
Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Did you know if you say Fuck Me 3 times in the window at 1 am your wife will tell you to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Our Constitution is in actual operation; everything appears to promise that it will last; but in this world nothing is certain but… — Benjamin Franklin Copy Share Image
For most of my life, I did not feel self-conscious about being short. If anything, I looked at it as like a… — Quinta Brunson Copy Share Image
Almost 1 whole year on SQ!!:) (1 yr in January) This is a picture from earlier in the year:) I miss the… — Rachel Copy Share Image
When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
“Bugger off kitty!" - Ryou "But before we begin this duel to the death, I have just one question. Could I get… — Little Kuriboh Ryou and Melvin Copy Share Image
![“I don't know what humor is. Anything that's funny -- tragedy or anything, it don't make no difference so [long as] you happen to hit it just right. But there's one thing I'm proud of -- I ain't got it in for anybody. I don't like to make jokes that hurt anybody.” quote by Will Rogers](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/39c/will-rogers-272_funny_i-don-t-know-what-humor-is-anything-that_1515022.jpg)
