Funny money has always been the reason housing prices have risen too fast. First, it was liar loans and negative-amortizing mortgages, where… — Glenn Kelman Copy Share Image
It's funny, a lot of people think I take myself seriously because I come off so serious sometimes. But it's not that… — Laurence Fishburne Copy Share Image
“Daddy,” said the toddler, now seething with righteous indignation, “you are a poo-poo head!” Feigning outrage, JFK lowered his voice. “John,” he… — Christopher Andersen Copy Share Image
If you have a choice between ugly or fat; You can turn lights out on ugly, but you can always feel the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I go to the beach, my grandchildren try to make words out of the veins in my legs. That's why I… — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
I grew up a huge fan of The Three Stooges and Monty Python, so somebody getting slapped in the face with a… — Thomas Sadoski Copy Share Image
Women say porn sites portray an unrealistic image of their beauty therefore making them feel inadequate. And then they buy 12 inch dildos. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“What's happening here?" This last bit was hissed to Ronan and Noah. "Noah took a personal day." "I lost..." Noah struggled for… — Maggie Stiefvater Copy Share Image
Let me get one thing straight; I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice;… — George Burns Copy Share Image
I'm doin' something different. I mean, I talk a little bit about race and interracial dating, but it's not the heart of… — Hannibal Buress Copy Share Image
The motion picture Deadpool was my favorite funny movie of [2016]. Something that I could just watch over and over again, because… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
To say of what is that it is not, or of what is not that it is, is false, while to say… — Aristotle Copy Share Image
Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Humor strips dominated what were called the funny papers early in the century, but by the 1920s and '30s, adventure strips had… — Mort Walker Copy Share Image
“You were at the party on Friday night, weren't you?" I didn't mentioned I'd followed him into the woods. He leaned back… — Alyxandra Harvey Copy Share Image
A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. The police described the suspect as anywhere between… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I can apply myself to the format of 'SNL,' I can apply myself to the format of 'Conan,' but at the same… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
It's funny to see how people react to the project, to read their thoughts, and I wonder aloud, 'Did they even watch… — Craig Robinson Copy Share Image
You know that you know the true meaning of sacrificial brotherly love when you let someone else be your favorite character in… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don’t think men have time to be funny because they have to make all of our rules about what we can… — Jenny Slate Copy Share Image
“Why are you wearing a T-shirt under your other T-shirt?" Livvy asked. "In case one of them is stolen," Marked said, as… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
Johnny Knoxville has such an incredible humanity to him when you meet him. He's so warm and so funny, and he can… — Max Winkler Copy Share Image
School year: Me: Yeaaa it's Saturday, Let's do something crazy!! Friend: Totally! Summer: Me: Dude, what day is it? Friend: I think… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't think I'd have done comedy if I was born eighty years ago I'd have been a lord. Shooting people that… — Noel Fielding Copy Share Image
She had been critical of his new torch song, "A Side Order of Heartache, Please," suggesting it could be used as a… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“No one should have to walk down a church aisle with a bouquet of flowers unless she was the bride, already had… — Julia Quinn Copy Share Image
“Does Hallmark make a “Sorry I tried to drink your blood and touched you in a vaguely inappropriate manner” card? I settled… — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
It's funny how when your kids get sick, they get even cuter when they have a stuffed nose and they mouth breathe. — David Walton Copy Share Image
When marrying, one should ask oneself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this woman… — Friedrich Nietzsche Copy Share Image
I like to create characters that are larger than life. But it's funny because I do a lot of bad guys, and… — Peter Stormare Copy Share Image
I didn't have a job because nobody would hire me. My friends were getting hired, and I couldn't even get a job… — Tyra Banks Copy Share Image
I like to think my accent isn't strong enough, but it's funny: I get people coming up to me in America and… — Rachel Shenton Copy Share Image
It's funny - before, I would say I'm not sure I can change a diaper in my life and now it's, 'I… — Maryse Mizanin Copy Share Image
People are often surprised that I am so upbeat. I'm always hearing, 'You're so light and funny, and your books are so… — John Searles Copy Share Image
It's funny because I remember playing 'Grand Turismo,' and I would get yelled at by my brother for moving the controller as… — AJ Lee Copy Share Image
Funny is funny. I dare anyone to look at Tim Conway and Harvey Korman doing the dentist sketch, which is more than… — Carol Burnett Copy Share Image
...Terry Jackson, who is the Miami Herald's automotive writer and TV critic. That's correct: This man gets paid to drive new cars… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Once in a while, I played second base; once in a while, outfield. But those were just pickup games and softball leagues.… — George Steinbrenner Copy Share Image
'Jurassic Park' movies don't fit into a specific genre. They're sci-fi adventures that also have to be funny, emotional, and scary as… — Colin Trevorrow Copy Share Image
![“The motion picture Deadpool was my favorite funny movie of [2016]. Something that I could just watch over and over again, because it's just so... he says so many things.” quote by Doug Benson](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/6e8/doug-benson-8961_comic_the-motion-picture-deadpool-was-my-favor_1857267.jpg)
