You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs.All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then… — Cindy Crawford Copy Share Image
“Bet it would be even more awkward if I kissed you now, huh?' Yes, please. 'The next time we kiss had better… — Rebecca Yarros Copy Share Image
Women are like iPhones: You have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberries: Rub one ball and… — Azgraybebly Joslan Copy Share Image
Thomas Jefferson once said. He said , "We should never judge a President by his age, only by his works." And ever… — Ronald Reagan Copy Share Image
“My brother spent a large portion of the agonizingly slow drive to school banging his forehead on the stearing wheel.” — Michelle Hodkin Copy Share Image
“I was even starting to relax—a little—until he took me to his parents' house for dinner. I've never met two people more… — Gena Showalter Copy Share Image
“Lou, honey, I'll buy you a new pair of shoes if you'll stop flashing your panties at everyone sitting across the room… — Ronda Thompson Copy Share Image
“Sydney did not believe in life after death, but in her experience, admitting this could lead to long and complicated discussions in… — Maureen F. McHugh Copy Share Image
“All superheroes have origin stories, like how Bruce Wayne’s parents get killed and he goes to Tibet or whatever, and Superman is… — Rachel Hawkins Copy Share Image
“What are you waiting for?" shanna asked. "He's dying! Do it!" Conner looked at Angus. "Ye do it. It was yer idea."… — Kerrelyn Sparks Copy Share Image
“I’m an idiot. I’m ten times an idiot. God, I could just die.” Then I forged ahead because the last comment was… — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
It's funny because before I joined the cast of 'Heroes,' I was an insomniac. I have suffered from insomnia for, like, so… — Dana Davis Copy Share Image
“Thomas,” the boss said. “How’s your father doing?” “He’s good, Sal.” Always the family questions first. That was Sal Demenci’s style. He… — Gary Ponzo Copy Share Image
One of the funny lines that Daniel Bryan said in a promo is that he made fun of me for driving in… — Mustafa Ali Copy Share Image
I have read that, on the average, the Japanese are getting taller, but at the moment they seem to be about the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There's a couple of movie parts that I can't remember. There was always something kind of lurking, because when 'The Office' started,… — Craig Robinson Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving is Americas national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. — Michael Dresser Copy Share Image
“... you saw how he was more than happy to serve Amarantha to remain unscathed.' ... Rhys let out a dark laugh.… — Sarah J. Maas Copy Share Image
There are many in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have… — Bat Masterson Copy Share Image
When I was one day old, I learned how to read. When I was two days old, I started to write. By… — Jon Scieszka Copy Share Image
I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
“I understand that you don’t want to marry me,” I said. “I mean, I don’t know why, since I’m simply delightful to… — Merrie Haskell Copy Share Image
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel: Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice; takes care of business. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The body of a young woman is God's greatest achievement. Of course He could have made it to last longer, but you… — Neil Simon Copy Share Image
They have a lot of trouble with pronunciation, because they can't move their jaw muscles, because of malnutrition caused by wisely refusing… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“He rolled his eyes and took my hand. His hand was hard and calloused, tough with muscle and old scars. The night… — James Patterson Copy Share Image
“Ah college years, those were the days. Pure freedom ... leaving home for the first time…the parties…” "What about the tutorials, the… — E.A. Bucchianeri Copy Share Image
I like jokes and one-liners. I enjoy entertaining and making people laugh, being the funny man. But when I'm launched into unfamiliar… — Keith Flint Copy Share Image
I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like,… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, that way if something goes… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've experienced plenty of times when something I think is funny doesn't do very well. And there are times when something I… — Carrot Top Copy Share Image
“Idiot," I said, before grinning broadly and crushing his mouth to mine. "We need to pick new pet names for each other,"… — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
“And I do think it was excessive to hurl him into the canal.' 'He'll float.' The corners of Cecily's mouth twitched. 'It… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
You…you got rid of that dress fast," I pointed out between heavy breaths. "I thought you liked it." "I do like it,"… — Richelle Mead Copy Share Image
I think I was born with a natural way of looking at something and trying to find the ways in which it… — Briga Heelan Copy Share Image
“How's the training?' She gave him a smile- a true one. 'Good. We're learning how to disembowel a male.' Lucien choked on… — Sarah J. Maas Copy Share Image
Teacher : Please go to page 364 in your text book. Random kid in the back : OMG I JUST FLIPPED RIGHT… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great.… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
“How funny.” I say flatly. “and I was hoping for a battle of wits but you appear to be unarmed.” His laugh… — K. Larsen Copy Share Image
People are funny. They want the front of the bus, the middle of the road and the back of the church. —Mrs.… — Debbie Macomber Copy Share Image
