My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that… — Jeff Ross Copy Share Image
The Americans, who are the most efficient people on the earth, have carried [phrase-making] to such a height of perfection and have… — W. Somerset Maugham Copy Share Image
The awkward moment you think your clever enough to turn the volume up by the button on the side of the telly… — Holly Fitzgerald Copy Share Image
When I create a story, I can make it however funny, sad, or happy I want it to be. And when I… — Marley Dias Copy Share Image
“I love you,” he says, though once he’s done it I can see he isn’t happy with it. He shakes his head… — Charlotte Stein Copy Share Image
There is a cliche that probably has some anecdotal evidence on the side that comedians are very depressed people, but that's because… — Robert Klein Copy Share Image
With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Before you insult somebody you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you insult them you'll be a mile… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's not that comedy has changed in terms of what's funny. For me, it's changed in that sometimes I don't feel my… — Bobby Lee Copy Share Image
I've developed some deep relationships over the past couple of years blogging and I realize that those relationships manifest themselves in the… — Jason Calacanis Copy Share Image
“JASON: 'Intended wings.' How depressing. MICHAEL: Yes. Makes them into suicides, really, the pigeons. JASON: No - no, it doesn't. It could… — Simon Gray Copy Share Image
Gahhh! I just made a big mess, now the floors are gonna be sticky... (shutup I spilled my sunny D. ) lol… — Syoung Copy Share Image
I asked my mom, 'How old were you when I was born?' My mom replied, '23' Me: 'Wow, that's a lot of… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
People wince when something is in bad taste. They laugh when it's funny. If it's too dirty or wrong, they won't laugh.… — Michael Patrick King Copy Share Image
“Nix: We're not leaving without her. So unless you want permanent houseguests of the destructive sort, just hand her over.” — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
But its not funny. Not to people who've been told they're losers their whole lives and believe they will never be anything… — Julie Anne Peters Copy Share Image
My sister Wendy has a husband and two children, and they have a family photo on top of the VCR, where they're… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Want to make a good first impression on a guy? Ask questions about him, seem interested, listen, giggle and swallow. — Family Guy Copy Share Image
Physically I'm not as strong as I was, but I try to make up for it mentally. It's a big challenge, and… — Karch Kiraly Copy Share Image
Jill Soloway is a friend of mine. She does 'Transparent,' and she's amazingly funny and brilliant and bright. And I love her… — Kenya Barris Copy Share Image
Someone's killed 100,000 people. We're almost going, "Well done! You killed 100,000 people? You must get up very early in the morning!… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
It’s like life. The more knowledge you get, the more questions you ask. The smarter you get, the more you realize that… — Georges St-Pierre Copy Share Image
“She took two steps to the left. He shadowed her. She took three quick steps to the right. He did the same.… — Shelly Laurenston Copy Share Image
Charlie Christian showed me a lot, and was a great help, but even then, I realised that if I was going to… — Barney Kessel Copy Share Image
That Awkward Moment, Is That Moment When You Talk To Yourself And You Start Smiling Like An Idiot, Because You're Just So… — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot."… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
“- Never. I've gone completely mar for you, Taylor Antonia Marsh. - That's not even my middle name! - It's a middle… — Elle Kennedy Copy Share Image
I had been an abject fan of Martin and Lewis when I was a kid. I just thought they were terribly funny.… — Peter Bogdanovich Copy Share Image
“You're considerate and funny and you're a lover out of my dreams. Should I develop a taste for luxuries- which I may… — Anna Campbell Copy Share Image
I had been asking the universe and God to send me a way for me to help me. Show business has been… — Louie Anderson Copy Share Image
Dear teacher, its not fair to put all the smart kids into one group, sincerely failing and in need of the grade. — Drew Fonner Copy Share Image
“He laughs. "Put some clothes on so you don't scare poor Kiara with your morning hard-on." I look down at my shorts.… — Simone Elkeles Copy Share Image
The biggest mistake to most people Listen to half of the conversation Understand the quarter Speak all the time.. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
They say Dont' drink and drive . Well … Yesterday I was drinking a Juice box While riding my Tricycle . Yeah . Im a Badass !!! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
My dad is really funny, and I have a strong memory of being proud that he could make a room laugh, but… — Rebecca Front Copy Share Image
You're a jerk, an asshole, and immature you don't make sense and sometimes, I just want to strangle you, but on top… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
“Setne laughed. “Nice try, dol. You guys sit tight. If you make it through the big shake-up, I’ll come back and get… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
Sgt. Hartman: 'How tall are you, Private?'... Private Cowboy: 'Sir, five-foot-nine, sir!'... Sgt. Hartman: 'Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that… — Gunnery Sgt Hartmant Copy Share Image
That is what I got into comedy for, to be able to challenge myself and just grow as a comedian and find… — Jaboukie Young-White Copy Share Image
![“The Americans, who are the most efficient people on the earth, have carried [phrase-making] to such a height of perfection and have invented so wide a range of pithy and hackneyed phrases that they can carry on an amusing and animated conversation without giving a moment’s reflection to what they…” quote by W. Somerset Maugham](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/c6a/w-somerset-maugham-237_amusing_the-americans-who-are-the-most-efficient_1902021.jpg)
