“Angus is amusing himself by ambushing the postman. Och aye, they may have taken his trouser snake addendums, but they cannae tak… — Louise Rennison Copy Share Image
There are a lot of comedic actors who are just out to be the funny one and get all the laughs and… — Jake M. Johnson Copy Share Image
Mable 'Madea' Simmons: What do you want to be? Nikki: I want to be a lawyer. Mable 'Madea' Simmons: That's good, I… — Madea Copy Share Image
Of course, Behaviourism 'works'. So does torture. Give me a no-nonsense, down-to-earth behaviourist, a few drugs, and simple electrical appliances, and in… — W. H. Auden Copy Share Image
“They would regret that they had not killed him; he would get out of that hole and find Juliana sooner or later,… — Isabel Allende Copy Share Image
You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, "Ah, guess I'm not watching TV.… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“I hate you.' My sister said it different than she said it to my dad. She meant it with me. She really… — Stephen Chbosky Copy Share Image
As a cartoonist I do what I find funny. As an editor I have a broader approach realizing that humor is inherently… — Robert Mankoff Copy Share Image
That's always a funny thing, when people think they're known for every little thing they ever did, and they're really not. — Fred Willard Copy Share Image
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You can't say happiness without saying Ha, penis. I JUST DIED! Why do I find stupid things like this so funny??Oh Tumblr.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
God has created us to love and to be loved, and this is the beginning of prayer-to know that He loves me,… — Mother Teresa Copy Share Image
“Oh, shit," said Arthur, covering his face with his hands for a moment and screwing his eyes shut."You've been co-opted.She's got you… — FayJay Copy Share Image
There was cake in the fridge and a note saying do not eat me! I ate the cake and left a new… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My CIA colleagues were smart, dedicated, funny, and creative. Yes, there was sometimes stifling bureaucracy, boredom, colleagues who never should have been… — Valerie Plame Copy Share Image
What are days for? Days are where we live. They come, they wake us Time and time over. Theyare to be happy… — Philip Larkin Copy Share Image
When I die, will someone please go to my funeral dressed like the Grim Reaper? You don't say anything, just stand there... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It seems amazing that the Navy SEALs managed to get inside the compound and shoot Osama so efficiently. I can only imagine… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Magic Johnson is the best player who plays on the ground, and Michael Jordan is the best player who plays in the… — John Paxson Copy Share Image
“I mean emotionally, women are like Bruce Lee and we’re like Donald Duck. An’ I think a lotta guys are afraid of… — Jonathan Ashworth Copy Share Image
According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A lot of stand-up comedians are actually very insecure, and they come on slightly battling the audience. They want to be the… — Stephen Merchant Copy Share Image
“When you're running a bureaucracy the best way to safeguard your job is to make sure you're the only one who knows… — Dave Sim Copy Share Image
The Midwest breeds funny, eccentric people, to varying degrees. You play shows not because you're expecting to get a record deal, but… — Patrick Carney Copy Share Image
“Alex?” I told him yes. “You’re my translator, right?” I asked him to be slow, because I could not understand him. In… — Jonathan Safran Foer Copy Share Image
“Merrick and I had both had tattoos, my magpie and his elephant and castle, imposed on us as…it’s a long story. A… — KJ Charles Copy Share Image
There have been funny sequels, but I don't know if there have been that many that feel like they're - you know… — Phil Lord Copy Share Image
I've been very lucky to work in a newsroom where there are lots of strong, funny, clever women in senior positions. — Kate Garraway Copy Share Image
There's nothing I dislike more than being in a photo shoot where they say, 'Be yourself.' That's not why I became an… — Margot Robbie Copy Share Image
“It is best if the guard is in love with America and wants to overawe the American by being a premium guard.… — Jonathan Safran Foer Copy Share Image
When Dad died in 1998, it really hit my confidence - he'd helped me write and he thought I was really funny,… — Dolly Wells Copy Share Image
Israel also deprived the world of its chance of shedding tears of genuine sympathy over her destruction. The world resents this; it… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
Kissing on screen is just - funny enough, you're just acting, so you're distracted by that more than anything. Or at least… — Dylan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Look at the limes in this drink, how they float. That's good news. Next time I'm on a boat, and it capsizes,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
When I was a kid Pussy meant a Cat,Sex meant Gender,Bitch was a female dog, Dick was a name of a cartoon… — Aashi Copy Share Image
You know, I've always thought that it would be really funny if somebody made a romantic comedy where absolutely everything went well… — Fiona Apple Copy Share Image
“A totally nondenominational prayer: Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I… — Roger Zelazny Copy Share Image
I have a Sharpie. I love Sharpies. You know what they say on them? Not for letter writing. That sucks. Now I… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I have always been very fond of them (drama critics) . . . I think it is so frightfully clever of them… — Noel Coward Copy Share Image
“Don't you just hate that, you meet a girl she seems pretty nice, you tell all your friends and before you know… — L.j Smith Copy Share Image
