Funny Quotes · Page 885

The future isn't something hidden in a corner.The future is something we build in the present.

— Paulo Freire

I am sure of very little, and I shouldn't be surprised if those things were wrong.

— Clarence Darrow

“Well, bloody noses." I hug his coat tighter. "Those are definitely hot.”

— Stephanie Perkins

Two grand slams in a week - man, that's seven or eight ribbies right there.

— Bill Madlock

It's funny how you can tell someone likes someone else, but you can't tell when someone likes you.

— Anonymous

You can chase a Beethoven symphony all your life and never catch up.

— Andre Previn

The funny thing about life is, it can change your worst problem into the funniest joke. It just needs time.

— Bernajoy Vaal

My relationship with my sibling(s)? We're pretty close. Although, my older sister and I argue a lot:P

— Anonymous

Kissing on screen is just - funny enough, you're just acting, so you're distracted by that more than anything. Or at least…

— Dylan O'Brien

I've been very lucky to work in a newsroom where there are lots of strong, funny, clever women in senior positions.

— Kate Garraway

There have been funny sequels, but I don't know if there have been that many that feel like they're - you know…

— Phil Lord

There's nothing I dislike more than being in a photo shoot where they say, 'Be yourself.' That's not why I became an…

— Margot Robbie

“A totally nondenominational prayer: Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I…

— Roger Zelazny

I have a Sharpie. I love Sharpies. You know what they say on them? Not for letter writing. That sucks. Now I…

— Mitch Hedberg

“Don't you just hate that, you meet a girl she seems pretty nice, you tell all your friends and before you know…

— L.j Smith

I have always been very fond of them (drama critics) . . . I think it is so frightfully clever of them…

— Noel Coward

Beautiful, luscious and flowing. Atop the governor's head.

— Rick Perry

I think more than anything, that's when I decided politics was on.

— David Lange

Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!

— Dave Attell

Ladies, As long as you're good looking & decent in bed, you can act as crazy as you want. We men won't care.

— Nikhil Saluja

Incredible to think isn't it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery.

— Milton Jones

You know its going to be a great story when it starts off with, So this BITCH...

— Amit Verma

“Parthenogenesis means never having your mother tell you to stop doing that or you'll go blind.”

— Seanan McGuire

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

— Kin Hubbard

“Smiles are a funny thing and laughter is hilarious. I smile sometimes when I am delirious.”

— Casey Renee Kiser

People always say, ah, Kansas City is like this breeding ground for funny people.

— Heidi Gardner

Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!

— Dylan Moran

If you want to talk to me after the show, I'd be surprised.

— Mitch Hedberg

“We're like the couple on the sitcom that has good sparks but never get together for the sake of ratings.”

— Aimee Bender

Who says love is bad...just like cake, I would say it's the best I've ever had!

— Anonymous

No woman can become or remain degraded without all women suffering.

— Emily Murphy

To tell you the truth you are a giant whale turd... inside joke 5

— Candie

Seeing those two people who no one expected to be together dating, and them being the cutest couple ever.

— Anonymous

“I think I could orgasm just looking at him,” she moaned”

— Samantha Young

Leadership is not something you do to people. It's something you do with people.

— Ken Blanchard

“I am like a dead begonia hanging upside down because like a dead begonia I don't give a f**k.”

— David Leviathan

People in a cluster are bound to each other automatically, and can see each other automatically.

— J. Michael Straczynski

Tell a girl she's pretty and she won't believe you. Tell her she's ugly, and she'll believe it forever.

— Ritu Ghatourey

Her sureness was based on the power to limit experience arbitrarily.

— Nathanael West

He who cannot establish dominion over himself will have no dominion over others.

— Leonardo da Vinci