We are not here to see through one another, but to see one another through. — Anne Lamott Copy Share Image
Don't lose the dreams inside your head They'll only be there until you're dead Dream — Dave Matthews Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on Facebook and you look like youre talking to yourself. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes I feel like a fire hydrant looking at a pack of dogs. — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The whole character of Super Dave is a takeoff on people who pontificate. So one thing I never want to do is… — Bob Einstein Copy Share Image
I would like to open a restaurant, call it the Marilyn Monroe Café, and put hundreds of pictures of Jeff Goldblum on… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
When you're experiencing what's happening right now, all of a sudden everything that happened to you in your entire life melts away. — Bryan Kest Copy Share Image
I figured if I could put together being funny about stuff and actual events, maybe I could do something that wasn't being… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
That awkward moment; When two of your friends whisper to each other right in front of you and you just sit there… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's funny, I had dinner with my dear friend John Spencer last night and I'm not in the first episode, but he's… — Stockard Channing Copy Share Image
What's great about having an audience is they can let you know what they don't think is funny, and you can just… — Maggie Carey Copy Share Image
It takes 65 muscles to frown and 13 to make a smile. Why work overtime? — B. J. Palmer Copy Share Image
I hope months of starvation, obsessive exercise, and painful grooming will get boys to notice the inner me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod? — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I dont believe the kids should be given homework. — Olabanji Joseph Copy Share Image
“Welcome to Glasgow - the city where we punch people who are on fire.” — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
“Dude, could you please get off my girlfriend before I beat the crap out of you ? I don't want to injure her.” — Stacey Wallace Benefiel Copy Share Image
“I have a friend who is a funny cook. Her food tastes funny and smells funny” — Haresh Daswani Copy Share Image
It's funny: the older I get, the more I can pick out when people are acting. — Will Forte Copy Share Image
My parents told me 'You watch too much TV and should try reading more!' So I turned on the subtitles. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That moment when you get a sweet text and you just sit there smiling at your screen like a weirdo. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
LOVE, A situation which happens when you think almost as much of another as you do of yourself; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
They should really replace, I now pronounce you man and wife with FINISH HIM!! (mortal combat music blasting) — Green Monk Copy Share Image
It's much easier to turn a friendship into love, than love into friendship. — Proverb Copy Share Image
If your wife and your lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie? — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
