At 50, a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that have been permanently discontinued. — Irvin S. Cobb Copy Share Image
To forsake sin, is to leave it without any thought reserved of returning to it again. — William Gurnall Copy Share Image
I love that I'm able to reference Dow Jones in a song, I think that's funny. — Noah Kahan Copy Share Image
He that reads his Bible to find fault with it will soon discover that the Bible finds fault with him. — Charles Spurgeon Copy Share Image
By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family. — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
“So you're here by yourself?" “Yes." “Seems like an odd place to come by yourself." “I needed to get away." “Woman trouble?… — David Gilmour Copy Share Image
I hate that feeling when you close your eyes to apply shampoo, and get paranoid that someone will kill you in the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Save myself from death is that it?! Is that why I've come here?! I'm not afraid to die! At times I've welcomed… — American McGee Copy Share Image
My hair has never been my greatest feature, so that was funny enough unto itself that my hair became so focused on. — Jennifer Aniston Copy Share Image
You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers,… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I think I was the only person in my experimental film class doing comedy. But my sense of humor and a lot… — Andy Samberg Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you are at a red light and you look over to see the person next to you and… — Mini-Mac Copy Share Image
“So what can I really do? If you can jump through a two-story window, then what can I do?" "You can do… — Courtney Allison Moulton Copy Share Image
So we do nothing? --Claire We do the best nothing you've ever seen. --Michael — Rachel Caine Copy Share Image
I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole." — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
“History, of course, is never real. People either glorify it or horrify it. Or at the very least color it.” — Paula Wall Copy Share Image
I am interested in solving an unknown factor of art and an unknown factor of life. — Eva Hesse Copy Share Image
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
You can build a throne with bayonets, but it's difficult to sit on it. — Boris Yeltsin Copy Share Image
I don't care how many warnings I get, I am still going to eat raw cookie dough. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
After a lot of research, scientists have concluded that the most vitamins are found in the pharmacy — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Credit is what enables people to pay 20% to 35% extra for that product which they probably don't need. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That'll do them in. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. — Thomas Sowell Copy Share Image
My view is that Washington and the regulators are there to serve the banks. — Spencer Bachus Copy Share Image
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
