Funny Quotes · Page 855

Prince Philip was a funny man who liked to laugh and make others laugh.

— Gyles Brandreth

You don't know how attached you are to a person, until you go without talking to them for a bit:)

— Anonymous

The key that opens your heart indeed is the key that closes your brain!

— Dritan Redjepi

*After Test* That Was Too Easy *Test Handed Back* Man WTFFFF!

— Anonymous

Everything that is now easy for you was once hard in the beginning

— Robin Sharma

Middle age ends and senescence begins, the day your descendant's outnumber your friends.

— Ogden Nash

Living life young as whoever I feel like being. Thy self!

— Jaden

The universe is nothing without the things that live in it, and everything that lives, eats.

— Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

“If a problem can be solved, there is nothing to worry about. If it can't be solved, well you can always buy…

— Pablo

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other…

— Tommy Cooper

I'm going to make a facebook account called No one. Then I'll like random people's status, then it will say No one…

— Anonymous

I'm a stoic. When something goes down the pan, enjoy it. Make the best out of a bad job. I'm not the…

— Vic Reeves

Oh, my dear boy, were not going to punish you for a little thing like that! It was an accident! We dont…

— â Cornelius Fudge

Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the time. ( ) Once in a while.…

— Anonymous

When you start explaining why something's funny or finding a formula for it I think it loses some of its funniness.

— Betty White

“Oh. Well was this your first time painting a live model?” She nodded her head, with an almost guilty look on her…

— Zack Love

Mussolini never killed anyone, he just sent dissenters abroad for vacation.

— Silvio Berlusconi

The most awkward moment is wen u ask a mother of a kidR U A VIRGIN''heeeeeee hahaha

— Raveen

One half who graduate from college never read another book.

— G. M. Trevelyan

If you're not satisfied with your life, it's time to invent a new one.

— Mary Wells Lawrence

Man developed in Africa. He has not continued to do so there.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section.

— Chic Murray

Best way to defeat your enemy without any weapon is *K...*

— Punkinhead Abhishek

Bitch please, my gum lasts longer than your relationships.

— Anonymous

I reckon I'm actually one of the least funny in my family.

— Anh Do

money is not everything but it ranks right up there with oxygen

— Zig Ziglar

We will see how the issue will turn out when they come to Baghdad.

— Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

PLAGIARIZE, v. To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.

— Ambrose Bierce

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

— George Bernard Shaw

Future generations will look back on TV as the lead in the water pipes that slowly drove the Romans mad.

— Kurt Vonnegut

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

— Milton Berle

Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform..

— Ray Romano

Dear Mario, I wasted my childhood trying to save your girlfriend. You owe me.

— Hussein Nishah

Ultimately what you do is secondary. But how you do it is primary.

— Eckhart Tolle

When you have a lousy football team, you learn to be funny.

— Lee Corso

I don't have a caustic sense of humor. What I find funny, that humor comes from a much gentler place.

— Vera Farmiga

I'm not an author, but before I became mayor, I wasn't a mayor.

— Ed Koch

Don't avoid the cliches - they are cliches because they work!

— George Lucas

Neither worse then or better is a thing made by being praised.

— Marcus Aurelius

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

— Paula Poundstone