Thanks for posting to Facebook precisely when you'll be out of town for Thanksgiving so I can rob your house. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Some reputed saints that have been canonized ought to have been cannonaded. — Charles Caleb Colton Copy Share Image
“Funny how an animal can hurt your feelings when you’re all alone.” — Elizabeth Berg Copy Share Image
How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Tip: Speak English. Kiss French. Drive German. Dress Italian. Spend Arab. Party Caribbean. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I think it's hilarious when middle-aged white men try to take themselves seriously. It makes me laugh. — Chris Bauer Copy Share Image
Even though I've been married for eight years, I do separate my food in the refrigerator from my wife's. I put labels… — Will Ferrell Copy Share Image
If the sayings of the saints is accepted that this world is only a Maya/an illusion and one can attain salvation only… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
If you can't go to sleep quickly, I suggest reading a school textbook in bed. I guarantee you will be out in… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Some people get into comedy because they love comedy. Then there are people who have a message and have realised that if… — Aisling Bea Copy Share Image
Necessarily may it not be said catastrophe the burying of cities into the depths of the Ocean, bursting of the Earth, disasters… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
“You read a book for the story, for each of its words," Gordy said, "and you draw your cartoons for the story,… — Sherman Alexie Copy Share Image
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
''SYMPATHY''... You can get from Anybody -- But...!! ''JEALOUSY''... You have to Earn it…!!!!!!! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Let me ask you a question. How long is too long to text someone back? My wife still thinks I died in 9/11. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
One of the best things data can enable us to do is to ask questions we didn't know to ask. — Vinod Khosla Copy Share Image
Broke people giving financial advice is like a shop teacher with missing fingers. — Dave Ramsey Copy Share Image
Amy Poehler and I have been friends for so long, we're like Oprah and Gale. Only we're not denying anything. — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
I do not hope for what I cannot have! I do not cling to things I cannot keep! — Stephen Sondheim Copy Share Image
Let them not do the slightest thing that the wise would later reprove. — Gautama Buddha Copy Share Image
Stay put in the hard places, and you'll eventually rest upon the mountaintop. — Kenneth E. Hagin Copy Share Image
When I drink alcohol...everyone says I'm alcoholic but When I drink Fanta...no one says I'm fantastic... — Gouravchauhan777 Copy Share Image
If u opened your mind as much as your mouth u just might learn something~ — DeAngelo Stokes Copy Share Image
I realized that beauty was not a thing that I could acquire or consume, it was something that I just had to… — Lupita Nyong'o Copy Share Image
Who we are, not just the services and products we provide, creates money. — Marianne Williamson Copy Share Image
I don't really have funny things to say about politics. I wish I did, but I don't. — Janeane Garofalo Copy Share Image
You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. — Josh Billings Copy Share Image
I tell you that Michael Jackson is unbelievable, isn't he? He's just unbelievable! — Al Gore Copy Share Image
