Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain: Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Conference: One man's confusion multiplied by the number of people there. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I urge you to travel - as far and as widely as possible. Sleep on floors if you have to. — Anthony Bourdain Copy Share Image
Looking at your best friend & laughing because you know what they are thinking. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait. — A. Whitney Brown Copy Share Image
It's funny - there's nothing that stops you laughing like the sight of other people laughing about something else. — Michael Frayn Copy Share Image
Everything is so funny in the movie. The funniest thing about the movie is the transformations they were able to make with… — Joe Viterelli Copy Share Image
“Halt," said Horace, "I've been thinking..." Halt and Will exchanged an amused glance. "Always a dangerous pastime," they chorused. For many years,… — John Flanagan Copy Share Image
I broke up with poverty... and the last thing that fool said was...you will never find someone like me...Amen..who cares — Jezreel Copy Share Image
When I was a kid, there was no distinction between a movie about old people or young people. It was either funny… — Joseph Bologna Copy Share Image
If guns dont kill people, but people kill people, then doesnt that mean that toasters dont toast toast, but instead toast toasts… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think anyone who has, you know, is in any sort of artistic pursuit, kind of goes up and down with the… — Will Ferrell Copy Share Image
Everybody in New York, including police horses, dresses fashionably, and whenever I'm there, even in my sharpest funeral-quality suit with no visible… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There are varying degrees of shade. There is funny shade, warning shade, tea shade, and mean girl shade. — Kenya Moore Copy Share Image
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand & 6 bottles in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm afraid everything I was is gone and all that's left is everything I'm not. — Courtney Summers Copy Share Image
You know you're living right when you wake up, brush your hair - and confetti falls out! — Katy Perry Copy Share Image
I ask for a stonger and more devoted voice... a voice for good, a voice for the gospel, a voice for God. — Jeffrey R. Holland Copy Share Image
Not every man who courts you, loves you. Some are just testing your stupidity! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Children when they ask you why your mama so funny say she is a poet she don't have no sense — Lucille Clifton Copy Share Image
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Some smoke after sex. Some sleep after sex. Others just cuddle. I remove traces of my DNA. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You know when you have that one crazy funny friend that always make you question 'what is wrong with you?' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Laws are not masters but servants, and he rules them who obey them. — Henry Ward Beecher Copy Share Image
I see no reason to suppose these machines will ever force themselves into general use. — Duke of Wellington Copy Share Image
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Why must this be so mortifying? Oh, that's right. Because its my life.” — Tessa Dare Copy Share Image
I'm a writer. I write not only for a living, I write because I'm a writer. — Gary Jennings Copy Share Image
If you don’t do something differently, you’ll ultimately be where you are now, only later. — Todd Duncan Copy Share Image
D'you know, I put so much petrol in me car the other day, I couldn't get in! — Vic Reeves Copy Share Image
Listen closely when your kiddo tell you their dreams. Just puke on them when they laugh. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
