If you can find the God inside yourself, you can find the God inside everybody. — Stephen Levine Copy Share Image
Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
A person who wasn't outraged on first hearing about quantum theory didn't understand what had been said. — Niels Bohr Copy Share Image
The controlling Intelligence understands its own nature, and what it does, and whereon it works. — Marcus Aurelius Copy Share Image
You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds'… — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
I happen to be very good with younger actors because I have extremely vivid memories of that time of my life, and… — David M. Evans Copy Share Image
In twenty years from now... when we look back at all the stupid shit we did, it can be from behind a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I don’t know. You’ll have to ask him yourself.” She sat up enough to look him in the eye. “I am not… — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
“I'm realizing that some of my greatest (or at least most determined) genius lies in my ability to procrastinate.” — Scott Stabile Copy Share Image
So my mum bought a jacuzzi, and I was in there along with my father and my sister, when my mother decided… — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
There's only one rule in stand-up, which is that you have to be funny. Yet 99 per cent of comics look and… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
Alien Chutney is just what the name suggests it is. Its music that is so funny and quirky and weird that it… — Vir Das Copy Share Image
One reason I dont drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I want to remind you that everything is funny as long as its not happening to you. Happy April Fools Day! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have a rare form of body dysmorphia in which I absolutely can't stand how good I look. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Thought that is no longer limited, brings experience that is no longer limited — Marianne Williamson Copy Share Image
A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. — Louis Pasteur Copy Share Image
My man dont need no redbull. so he can fly to anotha bitch...NOT TODAY!! — Niyah Calero Copy Share Image
Those who have little shall have less, and that those who have much shall take all that others have left. — William Hazlitt Copy Share Image
There are only two things wrong with C++: The initial concept and the implementation. — Bertrand Meyer Copy Share Image
I call my dad 'Admiral Ass Hat,' he doesn't really think it's funny. — Jay Crownover Copy Share Image
If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Some days I feel like everyone in my world has plugged themselves into my kidneys. I'm so tired. — Gwyneth Paltrow Copy Share Image
Honey, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Happiness consists not in having much, but in wanting no more than you have. — Lydia M. Child Copy Share Image
Now abideth beauty, truth, and intensity; but the greatest of these is intensity. — Michel Houellebecq Copy Share Image
Don't give any kinda fruit away this Halloween trick or treaters don't want that shit. Sincerely, kids — Anonymous Copy Share Image
