Funny Quotes · Page 779

Power isn’t just about going forward. It’s about not letting anything hold you back.

— Patrick Willis

I don't do comedy. I think if a situation is funny you just play it for real and if it's funny, it's…

— Morgan Freeman

When life gives you lemons, find someone who has vodka and throw a party.

— Charith Thilina

To Make sure your'e always on the Right track, always keep your Torch Handy !!

— Mario Stanyer

“A man wants too many things before marriage, but only peace after it.”

— Pawan Mishra

If you’ve got to think about it you probably shouldn’t do it

— Mary Carillo

They will try to enter Baghdad, and I think this is where their graveyard will be

— Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

The only day in your life… Your mother smiled when you cried...

— Abdul Kalam

The difference between Pleasure and Torture…Pleasure is thinking of you and Torture is thinking of you too much!

— Simi Ngr

“... an artist should paint from the heart, and not always what people expect. Predictability often leads to the dullest work, in…

— Anonymous

“So if he'd been a plumber, ___ _____ would've been about toilets?" Left blank to avoid spoilers but this is just too funny :)”

— Jeri Smith-Ready

Well, when you're playing good football, it's good football and if you don't have good football, then you're not really playing good…

— John Madden

If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, "Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus." Time to buy…

— Dave Attell

Now when I see something beautiful or funny or sweet, sometimes I reach for my camera, but other times I think, 'I…

— Leelee Sobieski

It's funny that some of the people who complain the most about intelligence being politicized are the ones politicizing the intelligence.

— John Ratcliffe

Everyone who has ever met me for at least five minutes knows I'm a really funny person. I love to laugh and…

— Simone Elkeles

“Fuck you!” “Right here?” He crossed his arms. “That definitely wouldn’t help your getting over me.”

— Stacey Marie Brown

We do not cease to be children because we are disobedient children.

— Frederick Denison Maurice

Hey I just met you, and girl you look crazy, what brands your make-up, Crayola maybe?

— Anonymous

They're funny things, Accidents. You never have them till you're having them.

— Anonymous

The more you read the Bible; and the more you meditate on it, the more you will be astonished with it.

— Charles Spurgeon

We do the best we can with what we know, and when we know better, we do better.

— Maya Angelou

“You want to free him? Let's gut him like a haddock. Quicker and far more satisfying.”

— Holly Black

You should never say bad things about the dead, you should only say good . . . Joan Crawford is dead. Good.

— Bette Davis

It’s time to find out what the truth really is that’s out there,

— John Podesta

It's funny how you can laugh untill you cry and cry untill you laugh...but that's just the beauty of it.

— Ayjee Grogan

Love Love, to be real, must cost, it must hurt, it must empty us of self.

— Nikhil Saluja

Or you wanna be a muthafuckin funny guy? Don't make me break your Kevin Hart heart boy.

— Drake

Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :)

— Nikhil Saluja

A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth. - Barney Stinson

— How I Met Your Mother

My life has been more influenced by books than by any other one thing.

— Diana Vreeland

“Say fuck the hole day, geuss what. By the end of that day you'ld achieve more happiness then if you did not ~”

— Patricio Telman Chincocolo

Aspirin is perfectly legal, but if you take 13 of them motherf***ers, it'll be your last headache.

— Katt Williams

You call it it multiple personalities, I call it social networking in my head!

— Green Monk

If we have the truth, it cannot be harmed by investigation. If we have not the truth, it ought to be harmed.

— J. Reuben Clark

The reality is the picture, it is most certainly not in the picture.

— Georg Baselitz

How many processes are going on, to keep that teacup level in your grasp? There must be a hundred of them.

— Marvin Minsky

When you don't know where you're headed, you find places no one else would ever explore.

— Jodi Picoult

Drunk Twitter because embarrassing myself in one zip code was never enough.

— Nikhil Saluja

England is a very popular foreign country to visit because the people there speak some English.

— Dave Barry