Funny Quotes · Page 762

Before fellating anonymous man in back room of bar, be sure to ask, You don't have AIDS, do you?

— Nikhil Saluja

Me volví loco, con largos intervalos de horrible cordura.

— Edgar Allan Poe

Early unsuccessess shouldn't bother anybody because it happens to absolutely everybody.

— Philip Johnson

Photography ix the only career where I can legally shoot people!!!

— Tufail Mehraj

The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafers' head.

— Eoin Colfer

Men are like government bonds. They take so long to mature

— Anonymous

Notice what no one else notices and you'll know what no one else knows.

— Tim Robbins

You can't be funny unless you're tragic, and you can't be tragic unless you're funny.

— Elaine Stritch

I think that the anti-Microsoft sentiment is simply due to their having been so successful selling a lot of crap.

— Steve Wozniak

This summer time in England has been like a dreaded one-night stand... Not very hot, extremely wet and gone before you know…

— Ryan Swain

Thomas is racing for it, but McCovey is there and can't get his glove to it. That play shows the inexperience, not…

— Jerry Coleman

My first job was selling doors, door to door. That's a tough job isn't it? Bing Bong; Hello, can I interest you…

— Bill Bailey

If you are offered the opportunity to do something that you don’t know how to do – say yes, dive in and…

— Glen Keane

At boarding school you had to wear your name across your chest and your back, and obviously I had a pretty funny…

— Diane Cilento

You have been summoned to court for trespassing my dreams, stealing my heart and robbing my feelings. If guilty: you are sentenced…

— Anonymous

Oh all the time when Victoria Wood and I did our series. There were people asking 'Can women be funny?' People still…

— Julie Walters

ONE PERCEPTION MUST IMMEDIATELY AND DIRECTLY LEAD TO A FURTHER PERCEPTION

— Charles Olson

Courage is necessary to make being and becoming possible.

— Rollo May

It's better to do it than to talk about how perfect it could be.

— Simon Sinek

If you think you're It riding ahead of the pack, look back to see if the pack's still there.

— Anonymous

Alas, how many have been persecuted for the wrong of having been right?

— Jean-Baptiste Say

I never wanted to get out of a place as much as I did to get out of the presidency.

— Ulysses S. Grant

He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. Of course, there are lots of other words he doesn't know either.

— Sid Gillman

Why Should I Go To The Funeral Of That Person Who Is Not Going To Attend Mine.??

— Naimish Shah

There's a smudge on my computer monitor, but I think it's on your side.

— Green Monk

“I am a vicious and unrepentant killer who should be locked up. With him, my idiot boyfriend.”

— Kylie Scott

I wouldn't mind dying for France, but not for Air France.

— Charles de Gaulle

Sitting at Home: Oh. It's raining. Cool. Sitting at School: HOLY CRAP IT'S RAINING!! LOOK!

— Ritu Ghatourey

Saying What but then 1 second later realizing what they said.

— Anonymous

Don't let life affect your worship; let your worship effect life

— Lamar Boschman

Just converted to a new religion. It's called idontgiveafuckism.

— Nikhil Saluja

Just because a thing is funny doesnt mean it doesnt have a mystery.

— Vikrant Parsai

Irving Berlin has no place in American music -- he is American music.

— Jerome Kern

When you're certain you cannot be fooled, you become easy to fool.

— Edward Teller

Some laugh at me because they think I am different; I laugh at them because I think they are all the same.

— Unkown

When I was born I was so shock I didn't talk for a year and a half.

— Anonymous

The web of life both cradles us and calls us to weave it further.

— Joanna Macy

My summer vacation consists of periodically noticing the exotic beach location I use as a desktop pattern.

— Anonymous

There is no bond like having read and liked the same books.

— E. Nesbit

We do not know when he is coming. He is coming tomorrow.

— Eugene Ormandy