Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that. — Jim Murray Copy Share Image
Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts? — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but I also know that funny outlasts pretty any day of the week. — Ulrika Jonsson Copy Share Image
The thing about failure is that you never know how close you were to success. — Brian Simo Copy Share Image
In the church we have to deliberately let ourselves be transparent and accountable to others. We're a family. — Timothy Keller Copy Share Image
Music, Music for a while Shall all your cares beguile. Alexander's Feast — John Dryden Copy Share Image
“Just curious,she mouthed. "What? I didn't catch that." Jjuussttccuurriioouuss.She drew it out this time, hoping he'd be able to read her lips.… — Julia Quinn Copy Share Image
The original vocals had an awful lot of work put into them at the time, and I wasn't really sure that I… — Kate Bush Copy Share Image
“What was that bit about fish sticks?” he asked, climbing back into the SUV. “Oh, pretty clever of her actually, though I… — Christina Garner Copy Share Image
I think there's something in the fact that it's hard to be good looking and funny. You have to have an oddball… — Chris O'Dowd Copy Share Image
All the ways you wish you could be, thats me, I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Every time I do a play, I'm like, 'When do I get to do the one where I wear a gown, sit… — Elizabeth Marvel Copy Share Image
The funny thing about New York City is that if you hide from her, she's just gonna say, 'Whatever, kid!' and leave… — Gavin Creel Copy Share Image
Ned, have you considered any of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same." --Reverend Lovejoy — Matt Groening Copy Share Image
Who else pretends to be interested in a teacher's personal life just to waste time in class? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Every other girl in school thinks you're the hottest thing since the microwave.” — Linda Kage Copy Share Image
Yes, I believe blue material is funny, but if that's all you've got, you're dead in the water. It's not good. — Howard Stern Copy Share Image
If A Girl Is Shopping She Is Trendy If A Boy Is Shopping He Is Wasting Money — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If there was a black character in Clue, the game would be called Solved. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!" — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I dont know my friends address but I know EXACTLY WHERE THEIR HOUSE IS. — Ronde Dawson Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, is not so much finding the right person -- but being the right person; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Your own voice is the voice that carries you through life the best. — Nanci Griffith Copy Share Image
When the camera comes on, I am not Hayden any more, I am Lizzie! — Hayden Panettiere Copy Share Image
One should never make one's debut in a scandal. One should reserve that to give interest to one's old age. — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
“I had a fucking standing ovation going on in my goddamn pants, and it was demanding an encore.” — Nenia Campbell Copy Share Image
Wear shirt once: Dirty. Wear hoodie every day for three months: Still clean. — Bishwajeet Pattnayak Copy Share Image
That moment, when someone jokes about one of your insecurities & you have to pretend it doesn't bother you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
