We are not called upon to do all the good possible, but only that which we can do. — Theodore Guerin Copy Share Image
You are as real as a spray on tan on a women with fake tits and 5 pounds of makeup on! Keep… — Derick Menendez Copy Share Image
I was born with a priceless gift, the ability to laugh at the misfortunes of others. — Barry Humphries Copy Share Image
Someone's been mean to you! Tell me who it is, so I can punch him tastefully. — Ralph Bakshi Copy Share Image
You don't have much faith in people, do you?' asked David. 'I don't have much faith in anything,' Roland replied. 'Not even… — John Connolly Copy Share Image
If you don't know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Happiness is sitting down to watch slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out he spent two weeks at a nudist colony. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
*During sex, I suddenly stopped and didn't move* Her: What are you doing? Me: Hush bitch, I seen this on Pornhub, its… — Kem Copy Share Image
My first draft of Marvel Knights 'Black Panther' was not funny at all. They smartly rejected the entire script and counseled me… — Christopher Priest Copy Share Image
“Apparently, we're all in the frame," I heard Harry murmur somewhere behind me. And I whirled back to him. Innate, irrational anger… — Morana Blue Copy Share Image
It's funny, I started by making fake American movies, 'The Transporter' and stuff like that. I was shooting in France, but everything… — Louis Leterrier Copy Share Image
“Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.” — Carroll Bryant Copy Share Image
Many people think the Cards at the end of the wire will cross the finish line first. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
Dear Spongebob, it's been more than 10 years, you're not getting your license — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I want one thing I can point to and say, 'that is good, and it's a part of me.' — Kim Harrison Copy Share Image
My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed. — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
The most advanced nations are always those who navigate the most. — Ralph Waldo Emerson Copy Share Image
It's most difficult to score a comedy. Where are the limits? When does music become gimmicky or stupidly funny? — Alexandre Desplat Copy Share Image
Tracy McGrady is doing things we've never seen from anybody - from any planet! — Bill Walton Copy Share Image
The ideal age for a boy to own a dog is between forty-five and fifty. — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
That's when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream. — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I am life which wants to live admidst of lives that want to live. — Albert Schweitzer Copy Share Image
I believe that all women are pretty without makeup- but with the right makeup can be pretty powerful. — Bobbi Brown Copy Share Image
I hope being self-employed on Boss's Day doesn't make you feel even lonelier than usual. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
They say true love is worth fighting for, but if its true love..why do you have to fight for it? — Bernajoy Vaal Copy Share Image
Every black American is bilingual. All of them. We speak street vernacular and we speak 'job interview.' — Dave Chappelle Copy Share Image
When you keep God in first place, He will take you to places you've never dreamed of — Joel Osteen Copy Share Image
“Being rich or famous is the only profound thing that some people have ever said.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
What poetry can, must, and will always do for us: it complicates us, it doesn’t ‘soothe.’ — Jorie Graham Copy Share Image
