Work eight hours and sleep eight hours and make sure they are not the same eight hours. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The difference between me and her is that I can make him smile with my pants on. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Mazing Quote's?. Maybe you should read the instructions ... NO!! I GOT THIS!! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
God is most beautifully praised when His people hear His Word, love His Word, and obey His Word. — Albert Mohler Copy Share Image
Learn when to fear, and how to fear, and how much to fear, before you squander all you have left. — Janet Morris Copy Share Image
Man1 sitting with dog. Man2:Your dog bits? Man1:No Man 2 sits and the dog bits! Man2 angrily, you said he does not… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Ryker, you ride with Orlando,” Ryker mocked in a snarky voice as he turned to the other man. He gestured toward the… — Rose Wynters Copy Share Image
So I went to the Doctor's yesterday. He said, "What appears to be the problem?" I said, "I keep having this dream,… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
I actually saw 'Piranha 3DD' - God, it's so weird saying that - and it's actually really surprising. It's really good. It's… — Chris Zylka Copy Share Image
One can always come up with funny lists and jokes. You know what? I take it back. Not everyone can always come… — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
“Instead of the calendrical terms Monday, Tuesday and so forth, we cheerfully offer the following surrogates. Use them freely and often, for… — Mark Dunn Copy Share Image
It's a funny thing. I'll be in my home town of Columbus at a restaurant or something, and the waiter maybe asks,… — Tyler Joseph Copy Share Image
It's funny, every time I start work on a new script, it feels like I'm going outside my comfort zone. But by… — Kelly Reichardt Copy Share Image
Fake buckteeth make a joke that you don't have to make any effort on, even if you're not a funny person. — Dave Itzkoff Copy Share Image
Why are you so funny? If she asks this question, you got her. She is yours. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Name your iPod 'Titanic', plug itinto the computer, Titanic is syncing, press cancel, feel like a hero. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Money isn't the most important thing. It is important, of course. I am not Mahatma Gandhi. — Jurgen Klopp Copy Share Image
I'm not going to do anything that I don't think is very funny, even if it's a lot of money or massive… — Matt Berry Copy Share Image
We have more to learn from animals than animals have to learn from us. — Anthony D. Williams Copy Share Image
I'm living the dream! Unfortunately, its the one where I came to work with no pants on. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
A good girl always gets caught; a bad girl knows how to avoid being caught. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
There's always someone telling you not to do something. The main thing is just to ignore them. — Tim Robbins Copy Share Image
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We all know that if you run, you are pretty much choosing a life of success because of it. — Deena Kastor Copy Share Image
When the time comes in which one could, the time has passed in which one can. — Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach Copy Share Image
Why is a penis the lightest thing in the world? Even a thought can raise it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dating a crazy person is like playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Ask the right questions if you're going to find the right answers. — Vanessa Redgrave Copy Share Image
