If things expand when they heat up, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not fat; I'm just HOT! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Everything is made in china, makes me wonder if I was made in china too. — Diego Vargas Copy Share Image
I've got the rest of my life to be a grown-up. And for now, it's OK to be young. — Cory Monteith Copy Share Image
How to put on skinny jeans: 1. Grab belt loops 2. Jump around like a bunny 3. Twerk for a few minutes… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled. I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because irony has… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“[Lizzie Bennington to a reporter who has asked for her opinion about Jack Archer's celebrated thighs.] “When you come back from a… — A.G. Starling Copy Share Image
All of my favorite actresses are comedians at heart: Shirley MacLaine and Madeline Kahn, Diane Keaton and Debra Winger. And they are… — Casey Wilson Copy Share Image
In the film world, and I know this from just talking to other people, that I'm known as a kind of dramatic,… — Campbell Scott Copy Share Image
“You want to stab me again, don't you?" He didn't look at all ashamed. "Think of it as testing the limits of… — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
Researches reported that they developed a self-healing plastic that repairs itself if cracked. The plastic will change the way airplanes are built… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
Given a little time for the pain to subside, dreadful experiences often can be the basis of funny jokes or stories. — Steve Allen Copy Share Image
I don't care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You know what they say about big hitters...the woods are full of them. — Jimmy Demaret Copy Share Image
The funny thing about Twitter is you can subtweet one person and it makes 20 others think it's about them. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order. — Brian Pickrell Copy Share Image
“There are few things related with us, which are funny for the world but we are proud of them.” — Lovely Goyal Copy Share Image
Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you have a character that doesn't have anything wrong with him, there's nothing funny about it. — Will Arnett Copy Share Image
It's comforting that even the Pope has an overwhelming urge to quit his job on Mondays. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What if there was a notification that said, your crush is viewing your profile now. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
“ 'Yes, we rather condemn people for eternity without the courtesy of informing them.' ” — Matthew Pearl Copy Share Image
In democracy both a deep reverence and a sense of the comic are requisite. — Carl Sandburg Copy Share Image
Faith is what? Faith is to love something you have no idea about. — Sri Sri Ravi Shankar Copy Share Image
What we are assigned to bear is in a sense a measure of our stature. — Peter De Vries Copy Share Image
I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My boyfriend not allowed to wear anything Nike, the only thing he better be 'Just Doing' is me. — Caitlin Copy Share Image
![“[Lizzie Bennington to a reporter who has asked for her opinion about Jack Archer's celebrated thighs.] “When you come back from a set down and bring the match to a final set tiebreak and are a point away from winning the match, only to have what looks like an extremely fit player call a time out…” quote by A.G. Starling](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/4be/a-g-starling-86319_competition_lizzie-bennington-to-a-reporter-who-has_155339.jpg)
