Wir mussen wissen. Wir werden wissen. We must know. We will know. Inscribed on his tomb in Gilttingen. — David Hilbert Copy Share Image
I have no agenda except to be funny. Neither I or the writers profess to offer any worldly wisdom. — Julia Louis-Dreyfus Copy Share Image
Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
Roses are blue, violets are red, if you come near me one more time I will chop off your head! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The Security Agencies are reading everyone's email?? LOL I don't even read my own email — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
That's the only dog I know who can smell someone just thinking about food. — Charles M. Schulz Copy Share Image
As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
“Breckin shrugs. “I’m new here. And if you haven’t deducted from my impeccable fashion sense, I think it’s safe to say that… — Colleen Hoover Copy Share Image
Guests are people who come to your home to see you whine at the table, bark loudly, jump on women wearing pantyhose,… — Peg Kehret Copy Share Image
I think the scores for Olympic gymnastics are affected by what countries the judge and the gymnast are from. That's wrong. That… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
If I simply live the principles that appear to be truth for me, I will touch the lives of those I am… — Marlo Morgan Copy Share Image
A lot of times in comedy, and also in podcasting and television, there are different kinds of voices that can be celebrated.… — Phoebe Robinson Copy Share Image
“I wanted to beat the heck out of the JV guys for that, except I wouldn't know what to do in a… — Carrie Harris Copy Share Image
I love anybody funny. I think my ten-year-old sister is really funny. She makes me laugh way more than most people do. — Chelsea Martin Copy Share Image
While you are not able to serve men, how can you serve spirits of the dead...While you do not know life, how… — Confucius Copy Share Image
When money grows on trees, you can bet there's a lot of grafting going on. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm tall and thin but not strong, so you're either an athlete or you're funny. — Keegan-Michael Key Copy Share Image
“Well. Yes. Someone's trying to kill me. But you don't have to make such a big deal out of it.” — Sarah Rees Brennan Copy Share Image
It's funny how we can remember all the words to a song but can't remember anything we studied — Corey Chevier Copy Share Image
“Orange: Uh Oh Mario: Uh oh what? Orange… Uh-Oh spaghettio's *LAUGH* Mario: Not Funny” — Annoying Orange Copy Share Image
All that God asks you most pressingly is to go out of yourself … and let God be God in you — Meister Eckhart Copy Share Image
If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I never really considered 'Quantum & Woody' a comedic book or a funny book. I never thought of it as a satire. — Christopher Priest Copy Share Image
And a flower, doesn't even know it's own beauty it's entire life. Sad, huh? — Miyavi Copy Share Image
The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
It's awful knowing that one seventh of our life will be wasted on Mondays. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Professor Milligan will now play his tree! The composition is in A Minor, the tree is in A garden.” — Spike Milligan Copy Share Image
Even if a farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start. — E. W. Howe Copy Share Image
It's so important to wake up and immediately start starring shit. Stupid Twitter ruined my poo time! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Science has promised us truth...It has never promised us either peace or happiness. — Gustave Le Bon Copy Share Image
If I had all the money I've spent on drink — I'd spend it on drink. — Vivian Stanshall Copy Share Image
“I pull out my e-reader and get back to my fictional boyfriend. Lord knows he won't cheat on me.” — M.D. Saperstein Copy Share Image
