10 minutes... No text back? Looks like Im going to sleep now. OH NOW YOU DECIDE TOREPLY!? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Make sure to stay in shape this winter since you may not be able to sign up for Obamacare until spring. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Followers, because calling them The people who are witnessing your failure is too sad. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That awesome moment when the whole class laughed at what you said, so you just sit there like a boss. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Like backstage, I just peed like every 3 seconds. I think yur staff thinks I have diarrhea. — Jennifer Lawrence Copy Share Image
I don't know if the art of stand-up will survive. Stand-up seems dated. Now you can do a mini-movie or a short… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
Spongebob: Remember Patrick, flatter the customer. Make him feel good. *Guy opens the door* Patrick: I love you. ~Noelle¥ — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Says O'Sullivan to me, "Mr. Fay, I'll have a word wid yeh?" "Certainly," says I; "what can I do for you?" "Sell… — Jack London Copy Share Image
Our life is like dancing training, at start we dont always know what we are doing but we keep moving till we… — Shubham Pal Copy Share Image
Wasn't Winston Churchill the first black president of America? There's a statue of him near me... that's black... — Danielle O'Hara Copy Share Image
When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think this is the funny thing about PWR BTTM that a lot of people don't realize at first, which is that… — Liv Bruce Copy Share Image
I love Halloween, it's the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Spider-Man and going home with… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“If my name was Richard, I'd go by Richard or Rich...not Dick. Hell I'd even settle for being called Chard.” — Simone Elkeles Copy Share Image
I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four." — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
People always ask me why everyone calls me black (im white)...now I just tell them its because I'm gifted — Luke Collins Copy Share Image
“Her face looked like a fruit from which all the juice had been sucked.” — Brian Herbert Copy Share Image
The new is not revealed to those whose eyse are fastened in worship upon the old. — Albert Pinkham Ryder Copy Share Image
Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched. — Mindy Kaling Copy Share Image
There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction. — Winston Churchill Copy Share Image
The predation of wolves and women by those who misunderstand them is strikingly similar. — Clarissa Pinkola Estes Copy Share Image
"You learn when you listen. You earn when you listen-not just money, but respect. — Harvey Mackay Copy Share Image
Only in the irrational and unknown direction can we come to wisdom again — Jack Parsons Copy Share Image
Sister to sister we will always be, a couple of nuts off the family tree. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Another day at work...I'm having as much fun as a colorblind person playing twister. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Steve Kerr, now coaching Golden State after eight tumultuous and very inconsistent years at TNT. — Marv Albert Copy Share Image
When you are in the dark and you can't see anything, something is looking at you seeing everything — Zak Bagans Copy Share Image
