A nonsense chat makes sense when you are talking with someone special, — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Men look at breasts the way women look at babies. 'Aw, isn't that lovely?' — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
“The cybernetic operation?" "No, the sex change." The doctor's smile faltered. "I'm joking.” — Marissa Meyer Copy Share Image
AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labour to have sex again. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Agreeable as it is to know where one is proceeding, it is far more important to know where one has arrived. — John Kenneth Galbraith Copy Share Image
What is really momentous and all-important with us is the present, by which the future is shaped and colored. — John Greenleaf Whittier Copy Share Image
Anne Wiazemsky wrote two books about her life with Jean-Luc Godard between 1966 and 1969. And I first read the second one,… — Michel Hazanavicius Copy Share Image
It's hilarious when school textbooks try too hard at being racially diverse. 'Brad, Latisha, Pablo and Kwan were doing a math problem...' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think we're seeing in working mothers a change from "Thank God it's Friday" to "Thank God it's Monday." If any working… — Ann Diehl Copy Share Image
“Here.” He spread his legs wider and patted the floor between them. “You’ll be warmer, and I promise I won’t grope you… — Meg Maguire Copy Share Image
My girlfriend is named Lynn. She spells her name "Lynn". My old girlfriend's name is Lyn, too, but she spells it "Lyn".… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
80 saal ka Buddha rape case me jail gaya. Dost:- Tune is umar me ye kiya kaise? Buddhha:- Koi rape nahi kiya.… — Sadie Copy Share Image
If at any point 'Carnage' became on paper preachy or annoying, we made sure something really funny was really near to that… — Simon Amstell Copy Share Image
Who do I like? I am a big fan of French and Saunders - not that that they are particularly stand-up I… — Jo Brand Copy Share Image
Volleyball is just a more intense version of 'Don't let the balloon touch the floor.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Errol Flynn and I are the only ones left who do any good old hell raising. — Humphrey Bogart Copy Share Image
The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
Men who dont understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You see, money's not everything in life is it? but it keeps you in touch with your children... — Johnnie Casson Copy Share Image
If you're purchasing a Dollar Store pregnancy test, I think we both know you can't afford a positive. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Do you love this God who is everything, or do you just love everything He gives you? — Francis Chan Copy Share Image
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Some actors try to play parts and do things they can't do. Being funny is one of them. Being funny's hard. — Tom Sizemore Copy Share Image
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any. — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
If only forgetting a person was as easy as forgetting why I open the fridge... — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I have written much about many good places. But the best places of all, I have never mentioned. — Edward Abbey Copy Share Image
Being at home with loved ones all week has shown me how much I miss my miserable job. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Why not try thinking of your life as hilarious rather than nightmarish? — Julia Sweeney Copy Share Image
Every city I go to is an opportunity to paint, whether it's Omaha or Hawaii. — Tony Bennett Copy Share Image
When there is an old maid in the house, a watchdog is unnecessary. — Honore de Balzac Copy Share Image
No matter how many times I visit New York City, I am always struck by the same thing - a yellow taxicab. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
If we come to a minefield, our infantry attacks exactly as it were not there. — Georgy Zhukov Copy Share Image
