Funny Quotes · Page 732

Life may give you crap, but that's what toilet paper is for.

— Anonymous

The Really Annoying Moment Is That When Your Mom Sits Down Next To You, While You're On The Computer...

— Pacifiersucker

I was a lesbian for a semester at Wesleyan - it was a graduation requirement.

— Ayelet Waldman

Militant feminists, I take my hat off to them, they don't like that.

— Milton Jones

Have you forgotten God? Even if you have, He has not forgotten you.

— Moses

You can't truly rest until every area in your life rests in God.

— Aiden Wilson Tozer

When I was little, I use to think the moon followed my car c;

— Anonymous

Scrolling down your inbox and remembering each memory in every text message.

— Anonymous

I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate…

— George Foreman

Unionism, seldom if ever, uses such powers as it has to ensure better work; almost always it devotes a large part of…

— H. L. Mencken

“I said I was sorry, Dani..." Kevin said, as they entered the apartment. "I'm so not talking to you." "I couldn't help…

— Failte

“I'll take these," Danny said, reaching for the bouquet. Just as Kevin was holding them out – and still trying to keep…

— Failte

Why do famous people think that they can only date other famous people? They're limiting their chance to find a soul mate,…

— Anonymous

“I enjoy self-publishing & sending publishers rejection letters. They're like, 'Who is this guy?' And I'm like, 'the end of your industry.”

— Ryan Lilly

“I came in several times and spoke, but perhaps you were asleep when I thought you were awake.' 'You are very considerate…

— R.K. Narayan

The funny guy doesn't get the girl until later in life. High school, college, everyone still wants the brooding, dangerous guy you…

— Will Ferrell

You can't make someone else's choices. You shouldn't let someone else make yours.

— Colin Powell

The only difference between me and a madman is that Im not mad.

— Anonymous

When you have something that close to you, you want to make sure that you're aware of it.

— Lucy Liu

Is there anything in life so disenchanting as achievement?

— Robert Louis Stevenson

Your a diaper beacuse you are always on my butt and full of crap

— Autumn Kohler

Once you start being a muse, you cannot stop being a muse.

— Carine Roitfeld

How often in life must one be content with what one can get!

— Winston Churchill

With so many girls pregnant at school, condoms should be on the supply list.

— Pretty Ladii

Just finished deleting some friends on Facebook, if you can read this then you got lucky.

— Nate

Funny you hating me so much, shows you sure do think about me a lot!

— Kemis Khan

It's better to go slowly in the right direction than go speeding off in the wrong direction.

— Simon Sinek

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.

— Anonymous

Most copywriters are like engines. They take a while to warm up to get to the point.

— Drayton Bird

I wish I remotely made enough money from my labor to afford a Labor Day vacation.

— Anonymous

He who knows the activities of Nature lives according to Nature.

— Zhuangzi

Right now is a great time to be a woman in tech, but there's not enough women in tech,

— Marissa Mayer

The trick is to not let people know how really weird you are until it's too late for them to back out

— Christine

Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny.

— Anonymous

I had my palm read. I wrote something on it first to see if she would read that too.

— Mitch Hedberg

Maturity does not always come with age; sometimes age comes alone.

— John C. Maxwell

I wish the cast of Twilight had to fight in the Hunger Games.

— Anonymous

The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"

— Henny Youngman

Everything we do is infused with the energy with which we do it...

— Marianne Williamson

When I go into the studio, I'm strictly for business... I don't like any fooling around in the studio.

— Otis Redding