“Once I started I couldn’t put it down. It was so addictive . . . like a train wreck.” — Katie Klein Copy Share Image
At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgement. — Benjamin Franklin Copy Share Image
Seeing a spider isn't a problem. It becomes a problem when it disappears. — Sharlene05 Copy Share Image
“Thank goodness, I can always find something funny to keep me up.” — Louisa May Alcott Copy Share Image
Everything can be sacrificed for truth, but truth cannot be sacrificed for anything. — Swami Vivekananda Copy Share Image
By coming forward and sharing your story, you don't know the countless lives you change. — Mariska Hargitay Copy Share Image
When someone looks at your baby pictures and jokingly saysyou were so cute! What happened? Bitch, I got sexy, that's what happened. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
If you get busted by a cop for growing weed in your house, just say 'I'm not selling that. It's for personal… — Alec Straub Copy Share Image
“I rolled my eyes. “I feel like a zoo animal.” Travis watched me for a moment, noted those staring, and then stood… — Jamie McGuire Copy Share Image
I Hate It When People Stare At Me And Don't Say Anything I Mean If You Want An Autograph Or Picture ..… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“What I'd like to read is a scientific review, by a scientific psychologist--if any exists--of 'A Scientific Man and the Bible'. By… — H.L. Mencken Copy Share Image
It doesn't even feel like racism is real. It just feels like the weirdest ploy, like we're just being had on so… — Thundercat Copy Share Image
I never liked wrestling, but I thought The Rock was brilliant, and that is a statement to how funny he is that… — James Acaster Copy Share Image
If you're not doing it for Allah, then don't expect any help from Allah. — Omar Suleiman Copy Share Image
“I lost something magical in the process of growing up – my disillusionment.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
MARRIED MAN, a person who has learned to turn off the car motor when his wife calls: I'll be right out — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It seems that for success in science or art, a dash of autism is essential. — Hans Asperger Copy Share Image
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no body to go with. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Serena had to cross her legs: in moments of dire amusement her bladder tended to play tricks.” — A.P Copy Share Image
If you're reluctant to weep, you won't live a full and complete life. — Ray Bradbury Copy Share Image
There is no pme who became rich because he broke a holiday, no one became fat because he broke a fast. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men. — Aristotle Copy Share Image
Did you study for the test? .. Nerd: All week long. ... Normal People: I read the chapter. ... Me: What test?! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you have inspired thought, you have to trust it and you have to act on it. — Jack Canfield Copy Share Image
Beethoven can't really be great because his picture isn't on a bubble gum card. — Charles M. Schulz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night.. you were trying to give coordinates to an apple” — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool — E. W. Howe Copy Share Image
You shouldn't go to college unless God has definitely called you to go. — Keith Green Copy Share Image
I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
When no one is watching: Like a boss. When everyone is looking: Utter dumbass fail — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The best feeling when u get out da shower & u can walk around ya spot nake — IG:catone_2_funny Copy Share Image
Men are like...Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
