Let's commemorate our departed WWII veterans by eating German frankfurters and Italian sausages. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Begin whatever you have to do: the beginning of a work stands for the whole. — Decimius Magnus Ausonius Copy Share Image
With improv, it's a combination of listening and not trying to be funny. — Kristen Wiig Copy Share Image
OMFG LMAO hahaha I said that to someone and they walked away like WTF and I just laughed so hard I cried! — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
“Oh, so there were angels and demons, but no vampires? No mysterious, super-hot bloodsuckers who would love you forever? Now that was… — Alycia Linwood Copy Share Image
I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Bahu ke 1-2 afair sunkar PATI ne jaan de di 3-4 afair sunkar SASUR ne jaan de di. Lekin SAAS chup rahi… — Sadie Copy Share Image
It was funny, a lot of people who rejected me as a player, later said, 'Oh, we did it to help you.'… — Cafu Copy Share Image
“Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
A funny thing happens when you go to another country or invest in a company from another country. Suddenly everyone in that… — Michael Seibel Copy Share Image
“It's empty." Duane swore harsh enough to make a sailor blush, calling into question not only the suspect's parentage, but that somehow… — Andrew Grey Copy Share Image
“Sam, just accept it. There is nothing funnier than penises randomly inserted in wildly uncalled for places in the sport of hilarious… — Jordan Krumbine Copy Share Image
What was worse, he couldn't tell her how much he thought he maybe might kinda sorta love her. — Gena Showalter Copy Share Image
There are no distant places any longer: the world is small and the world is one. — Wendell Willkie Copy Share Image
Once you have money, you can quite truthfully affirm that money isn't everything. — Louis Kronenberger Copy Share Image
If you're purchasing a Dollar Store pregnancy test, I think we both know you can't afford a positive. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Some actors try to play parts and do things they can't do. Being funny is one of them. Being funny's hard. — Tom Sizemore Copy Share Image
Do you love this God who is everything, or do you just love everything He gives you? — Francis Chan Copy Share Image
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any. — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
Errol Flynn and I are the only ones left who do any good old hell raising. — Humphrey Bogart Copy Share Image
You see, money's not everything in life is it? but it keeps you in touch with your children... — Johnnie Casson Copy Share Image
Men who dont understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If only forgetting a person was as easy as forgetting why I open the fridge... — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Why not try thinking of your life as hilarious rather than nightmarish? — Julia Sweeney Copy Share Image
I have written much about many good places. But the best places of all, I have never mentioned. — Edward Abbey Copy Share Image
Being at home with loved ones all week has shown me how much I miss my miserable job. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
10 minutes... No text back? Looks like Im going to sleep now. OH NOW YOU DECIDE TOREPLY!? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If we come to a minefield, our infantry attacks exactly as it were not there. — Georgy Zhukov Copy Share Image
Every city I go to is an opportunity to paint, whether it's Omaha or Hawaii. — Tony Bennett Copy Share Image
