“Waiters are the help, dear. It's like falling in love with a blender!” — Daniel Nayeri Copy Share Image
I'm actually not funny, I'm just mean, but people always think I'm joking... — Rohit Padhra Copy Share Image
Never ask old people how they are if you have anything to do that day. — Joe Restivo Copy Share Image
Old ways will always remain unless some one invents a new way and then lives and dies for it — Elbert Hubbard Copy Share Image
Put it out of your mind. In no time, it will be a forgotten memory. — Samuel Goldwyn Copy Share Image
“Some people drip wax on themselves like a human chianti bottle to see if they feel anything….but getting a wicker basket to… — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
Funny enough, apart from when I was at school, I've always gone out with younger men - I was even married briefly… — Arlene Phillips Copy Share Image
That's the beauty of our show. Comedy or politics. We're sort of a mix. A space age polymer of both. A synthetic… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light… — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
“... there was one new metallic monstrosity stacked in one corner that she hadn’t seen the last time she was a visitor… — E.A. Bucchianeri Copy Share Image
“Gus leaned back in his chair, appearing satisfied. "Good," he said. "Cause Maggie's all the nightmare I can take." I smiled. "Gus,… — Jessica Shirvington Copy Share Image
I have an idea that the phrase weaker sex was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to… — Ogden Nash Copy Share Image
It's funny because all through the '80s I didn't do TV and movies very much. I prided myself that I was making… — Charles Kimbrough Copy Share Image
It's better to become who God created you to be than to try to promote yourself to become something you're not. — Joel Osteen Copy Share Image
Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not. — James Lipton Copy Share Image
I'm bi-lots of things but lingual isn't one of them. Wait, did I mean to say that? — Triple H Copy Share Image
The problem is that as much as I cant force you to love me, I cant force myself to stop loving you. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I shouldn't have driven home from the bar last night...especially since I walked there. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Happy Mother's Day to a mom who shouldn't assume my graduation means the end of my financial dependency. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't fall for lines like, God protects his servants in the clergy from harm. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
One minute of kissing burns 26 calories,no wonder those sluts are damn skinny. — Carlos Banks Copy Share Image
Speramus Meliora; Resurget Cineribus: We hope for better things; it shall rise from the ashes. — Charlie LeDuff Copy Share Image
You are the sum total of your dominating or most prominent thoughts. — Napoleon Hill Copy Share Image
Death is there to keep us honest and constantly remind us we are free. — Dan Fogelberg Copy Share Image
They are achieving nothing, they are suffering from casualties. Those casualties are increasing, not decreasing — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
Jake Johnson wanted to make clear that he was the great American actor, not just the funny guy on 'New Girl.' — Colin Trevorrow Copy Share Image
The shortest scary story ever: The last man on Earth sat in a room. There was a knock at the door. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
The cat is in the sack, but the sack is not closed. The cat is in it, but it's open...and it's a… — Giovanni Trapattoni Copy Share Image
Want the most simple cure for childhood obesity? Ice cream trucks that don't stop. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I act, I act. When I sing, I sing. I don't put one over the other. Entertaining is what I do… — Irene Cara Copy Share Image
If you're going to ride my ass at least pull my hair and make me scream! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You are always free to choose what you do first, what you do second, and what you do not do at all — Brian Tracy Copy Share Image
